


Paper Lanterns

by artsyAquarius



Series: Paper Lanterns Universe [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ancestors as Parents, Humanstuck, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Sadstuck, flash backs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-12
Updated: 2014-09-27
Packaged: 2017-12-19 07:31:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/881102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyAquarius/pseuds/artsyAquarius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world is filled with so many different kinds of people, so many different colours, patterns, shapes, and lights. The lights grow dim alone, but if they all come together, it will make a rainbow of bright, beautiful possibilities!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reconciliations

**Author's Note:**

> This is a humanstuck story, with all of the Beta kids and trolls as main characters (the alphas make little appearances here and there). There should be a few chapters to each character, all leading up to the end,

You sit on your leather recliner, knitting needles in hand. You are working on a new scarf for your cat, Jaspers. Your cousin says this habit is a sure sign of crazy-cat-lady disease. You ignore him.   
The phone rings, and you answer it briskly. You’re used to getting calls at any time of the day now that you’re a therapist. “Lalonde?” a loud, grouchy, familiar voice calls out.  
You grin broadly. “Which Lalonde would you be referring to?” you ask, calm and self-assured. The voice on the phone groans.   
“The smart one. Or is she just the one that’s slightly less drunk than the other?” he bites out, though you take no offense to his words.   
You stand up and prepare yourself a cup of tea absentmindedly. “Well, I could call up asking for Mister Vantas. How would you know if I meant you or your cousin?”  
More groaning. “Let’s see…maybe because that douchebag doesn’t live with me? And you’ve never had a conversation with him, thank God.”   
You can’t help laughing to yourself. Karkat’s moods were amusing.  
“But listen Rose, you know Gamzee got bailed out, right? His parents finally fucking caved and forked over the cash, so he’s out now.”   
This comes as a bit of a shock to you. It was still kind of surprising that your normally subdued (though somewhat disorientated) client had attacked three people. Then again, he had been doing some weird drugs beforehand.   
“So you talked to his dad?” you ask. Apparently ever since Gamzee moved in with Karkat, the Makaras had left their son as Karkat’s responsibility and expected him to get him out trouble. No matter that they had a lot more money than Karkat could ever hope to make.   
“Yeah, you would not believe how hard that guy is to deal with.” A trickle of gentleness streaked into Karkat’s voice. “But I just had to get him out of there. He isn’t fucking made to survive in jail. If I left it another day, he’d probably be minced meat by now.” Once again, you feel grateful that your client has such a caring roommate. Without Karkat looking after him, it was anyone’s guess where he would be now.   
“So I’m guessing he called because he wanted to see me? How about you both come over tonight? Jade, Dave and John are call coming over, too.” You know Karkat got along quite well with the boys, and that he had a tiny crush on Jade, too. It would also give her a chance to talk to Gamzee without it seeming like an appointment.   
Karkat hesitated a bit, then there came the muffled sound of another voice talking. “Uh, yeah. Sure. Text me your address, ok?”  
You smirk. “Gamzee knows the way.”  
You can almost see Karkat glowering into the phone. “Like hell I’m letting him anywhere near my care.”  
“At least that’s one thing we can agree on.”

 

“Rose! I’m here!” You hear a chirpy voice call out. Jade, of course. Only your old roommate would know where you keep your spare key.   
You race up to greet her and are swept into a warm hug. “It’s so great to see you again!” she exclaims, and you pull away to look her over.   
It hasn’t been that long since you last saw each other, but you’ve missed her company. Her dark hair was still curly and messy, tied back in a haphazard ponytail. Her round glasses were still perched on over her large, bright green eyes. You’re happy that her taste in bright, cutesy clothes was still intact. She looked great in her electric-blue dress, the one with the double-layer skirt and pale belt.   
She does look a bit different than usual, though. Her tanned skin glows and her eyes are more vibrant and happy than usual. As she parts her lips in a familiar grin, you almost laugh to see her buck teeth sticking out slightly further than the others.   
“You look great.” You say. She smiles and fixes her glasses up, dismissing the comment, before practically skipping and plonking herself down on the couch.   
“You’re looking good, yourself! The therapy thing must be going well, then?”   
You were about to answer when the doorbell rang, followed by mutters and familiar voices behind the door. You find yourself wrapped into another hug, like the last one. “Hey, John.”   
You are greeted by another toothy grin. “Rose, man, you really need to have us over more! Do you even get out of the house anymore?” he says as he looks over your house, wide-eyed. He amuses himself with your flat-screen TV while Jade tries to snag the remote.   
“Hey,” you roll your eyes as Dave merely attempts to give you a fist bump on his way in before making his way onto the couch, squeezing in between your two other guests.   
It’s easy to see the family resemblance between John and Jade. They have the same tanned complexion, same bad teeth, same scruffy hair and small stature. The only differences were that John’s eyes were blue, and he had dorky rectangular coke-bottle glasses.   
It’s a little harder between you and Dave. The only real similarities are the pale skin and blond hair, but it ends there. You’re considered taller than average, but Dave towers over you and mostly everyone else. And while he is lanky and long-limbed, you’re quite curvy and you have short, stocky limbs. There’s also your eyes. Dave’s were a startling red colour, and he frequently wore shades so as to not attract attention to them. Yours, on the other hand, were a grey-violet colour, more commonly considered purple. People (Jade) tended to fawn over the unusual colouring, but you assure them it’s very common for your family. Actually, your mother and sister’s eyes were more of a pinkish shade, but there wasn’t that much difference.   
“Oh, Rose! We got you something!” Jade shouted, jumping off the couch suddenly. She jogged to your counter, where she’s left her huge paw print tote bag.   
“Wait, what? When did we buy anything?” John asks, baffled. Jade waves him off.   
“It was just something Dave and picked up.” She said quickly, pulling something out of a paper bag. It was large, round, white and shiny, with an intricate base. “It’s a crystal ball!” Jade chirped, holding it out to her.   
You take hold of it, turning it over in your hands. It’s a strange sort of gift, but with enough sentimental value and history to make you laugh. Surely it had to be Dave’s idea. “What did you get me this for?” you ask, still admiring the design of the base.   
“I got for you because it’s ironic and cool. And you’re my little cousin and I care about you.” Dave gets off the couch and stands next to Jade.   
You stare him down, and slowly his mouth twitched into a grin. “Also because I forgot your birthday last year. And this year. And probably next year too.”  
“Ah,” that sounded more like it. As you further admire your gift, you notice Dave ever so casually slip his arm around Jade’s shoulder. She doesn’t shrug it off, and you and John share a cautious look.   
John frowns. “Hey, are you-”   
The doorbell rings again. “I’ll get that.” You say, shooting John a look to say that you’ll bring it up with Jade later.   
“Hey, stop pushing, jeez! The door’s fucking locked!” Out of the corner of your eye, you can see John perk up at the sound of Karkat’s voice.   
You open the door and welcome your guests in. “Find the place alright?” you ask Karkat, looking down on him.   
He glares at you, but before a snarky remark can slip from his lips, a pair of long arms envelope you in your third hug this evening.   
Gamzee is a giant compared to Karkat, and his height rivals even Dave’s. But Gamzee is even skinnier, with sharp bones and joints digging into you. You guess he hasn’t been eating much, and you know the drugs take it out of him.   
“Gamzee, I’m so glad to see you.” You murmur. And you are. You’d always been close to him, especially since Karkat is one of John’s best friends. But when you heard about Gamzee being arrested, you panicked. He’d been brought up in a rich, if usually absent, family. He wouldn’t be used to the harsh conditions of a cell. And his body was weak, too.   
“Me too, sis, me too,” he says, pulling away and smiling solemnly at you. His face is pale, and his eyelids are drooping shut; the side effect of too much pot and not enough sleep. His hair is wild and curly and dark as ever, and his eyes are still that electrifying blue-violet.   
“Oh my fucking god it’s a cat!” you hear Karkat shriek as Jaspers re-enters the room. Karkat looks like Gamzee’s polar opposite. He is tiny; even shorter than Jade. He’s practically a midget in comparison to his roommate and your cousin. And where Gamzee’s skin is pale and pasty, Karkat’s complexion is a rich, dark caramel colour. He also has insanely large brown eyes and insists on covering up every in of skin with his signature black turtleneck sweater and dark grey slacks. His charcoal-black hair is wildly curly, no matter how hard he tries to flatten it down.   
Right now he’s flailing around and yelping at the ball of black fluff winding around his legs. You smirk and reach down to pick your cat up, stroking his soft fur.   
“Aw, he likes you, Karkitty!” Jade sings, fussing over your old-man cat. You’ve had him for years, ever since you were young, and he still acts like a friendly little kitten.   
Karkat immediately bristles. “Don’t you start fucking calling me that, Harley! You’re spending way too much time with Nepeta!” he snaps, a slight blush rising on his cheeks. Dave and John snicker as a new way to annoy the shit out of him surfaces.   
Jade sticks her hands on her hips, pouting. “I’m spending just the right amount of time with Nepeta, thank you very much! And I think it’s just adorable she calls you that!” More blushing, and a prompt flipping-off from Karkat.   
You roll your eyes, amused, and walk over to your counter. You turn the kettle on and beckon Gamzee over, leaving the others to their petty bickering. “I hope you learnt a bit of lesson there, Gamzee.” You don’t sound angry. It’s part of your job never to let anger into your voice. You merely sound condescending and slightly playful.   
Gamzee lifts his arm to smooth down his hair and nervously looks away. “Well, yeah, it was pretty motherfucking scary, Rose,” His astounding language shocked you when you first met him, but you’ve since come to accept it as his normal pattern of speech.   
“I mean, I didn’t even realise what was motherfucking happening, ‘til I guess…I all up and punched those motherfuckers in the face, heh.” He grins broadly, trying to pass it off as casual. But it’s clear to you that he’s embarrassed and, hopefully, ashamed.   
You tsk at him, shaking your head. “You shouldn’t have hit anyone, Gamzee. That’s the kind of behaviour I work to avoid.” You say calmly, pouring the tea into six mugs.   
Your client leans over his mug, his scrawny frame looking hunched and fragile. “I know, sis, ok? A whole lot of motherfuckers have been telling me that kind of thing.” He stirs the tea with a forefinger, not seeming to care that it’s boiling hot. “I know, I shouldn’t be taking any weird drugs,”  
“You shouldn’t be taking any drugs at all, but I suppose that’s hardly worth mentioning at this point in time.”  
He smiles at you, a look in his eyes that warms your heart. “See, this is why you’re my favourite therapist! You all up and understand me, sis. Everyone…everyone thinks I’m some kind of motherfucking….circus freak or something. But I’m not, Rose. I’m just a poor motherfucker who wants a couple of miracles every now and then.” He says, brief flashes of his temper sneaking through, making his voice louder and more violent.   
You smile and reach across the table to pat his hand. His eyes widen in shock at the contact, but soon he rewards you with a warm smile, a rare flash of sincere emotion away from the haze brought on by alcohol and drugs.   
“My god, Egbert, for the last fucking time, we are not watching Con Air again!”  
“Yeah, no offence, but that has to be the most shit-eating movie of all time.”  
“No way, it’s the best! You’re taste in movies is what’s shit-eating!”  
“Um, don’t I get a say in this too, guys?”  
Music to my ears, you think. “I made tea for everyone!” you sing out, letting the familiar banter consume you. It’s been too long since you’ve had such good company in your house. You find yourself missing when it was like this every night, when you still lived with Jade. Before your mother died. 

 

After a couple more round of tea, and the decision that John’s movies were terrible and yours were unbearable, the night fizzled down into mindless gossip.   
“So are you guys all going to Feferi’s party?” Jade asks, munching on a cookie.   
You freeze. Shit. You’d completely forgotten about that. Actually, you were hoping you could just let it slide and avoid talking about it at all. You haven’t been to a part in ages, and you weren’t in the mood for social event, no matter how talked about or hyped up they were.   
“Oh, yeah. Yeah, we got the invitations a while ago, so I guess we have to go?” It sounds like Karkat had also forgotten.   
Gamzee perked up. “Yeah, it’s gonna be motherfucking great! Everyone’s going to be there; Terezi, Sollux, Nepeta, Tavbro…”   
“Hey, isn’t Terezi your girlfriend, Karkat?” John pipes up, naively.   
Karkat clenches his fists, a tell-tale sign that he wants to punch John right in the face. “She’s not my fucking girlfriend, ok? She’s a crazy blind girl who’s way too obsessed with dragons and pissing people off!”   
“Hey, Terezi’s fucking awesome!” Dave protests, grinning.   
“You’re only saying that because she has some kind of weird stalker crush on you!”  
You turn as you feel a tap on your shoulder. “You are coming, aren’t you, Rose?” Jade’s staring at you with those huge green puppy eyes. When you were roommates, she’d use that trick to get you to go shopping with her. Now, she’s using it again, and you can’t say no.   
You sigh resignedly and smile. “Yes, I’m coming. Someone needs to keep an eye on all of you.” You say, and are rewarded by a cheery buck-toothed grin.  
John yawns heavily, and Dave smirks. “So thanks for letting us come over, but we’d better get home before this guy falls asleep.”   
John raises his scrawny arms in protest, looking about five years old. “But Daaave, I’m not tiiired!” he whines.   
“Come on, Egbert.” Your cousin says, scruffing up John’s hair.   
John sighs and waves to everyone. “Bye, guys!” he calls as he and Dave walk out your door.   
“Yeah, we’d better go home, too. I fucking hate driving in the dark.” Karkat mumbles.   
“Hey, bro, I could drive home!” Gamzee proposes.  
“No.”  
You’re swept up into another hug from Gamzee. “Thanks for everything, Rose.” He whispers. You smile and pat him on the shoulder. “Take care of yourself, you hear me?” you whisper back.   
“Hey, do you mind if I stay a while longer, Rose?” Jade asks, hands behind her back.   
You look up. “No, I don’t mind. Actually, I have something I want to talk about with you, too.”  
You settle down on the couch, sitting close to each other like you used to. “You really should come out and see us more often, Rose. We miss you.” She murmurs, toying with the material on her skirt.   
lately, Jade, ok? I…I don’t have much time for social outings.” This is a lie, of course. Your job is time consuming, but it wouldn’t stop you from going out with your friends.   
Jade straightens up, turning so she’s staring you in the eye. “I know it’s been difficult for you since…well, since that thing happened-”  
“Jade, please. You don’t need to tiptoe around the subject. I’m not going to break.” You’re a therapist- you don’t use sugar-coating and you won’t accept it from others.   
Jade frowns. Sugar-coating is her specialty. “So what do you want me to do? Blurt it out and not worry about how it affects you?”  
You close your eyes for a few seconds, and take a deep breath. “It’s not that. I know my mom’s dead, ok? I know. Yes, I’m upset about it, but I can deal with it. I’m not going to pretend it didn’t happen, and you shouldn’t either.” You hated being mad at her, but you’re not a child. Death is a force you understand and accept now.   
Jade bites her lip, and you’re afraid you might have made her cry. “I-I know. I’m sorry. I just meant that…we’re here for you. You don’t have to deal with this on your own. I mean, you were all supporting me after- after Grandpa died.” She looks down, ashamed, and you feel like the worst in the world.   
You throw your arms around her, trying to bring back that lovely smile. “Oh, Jade. Of course I know that, and I really appreciate it. But…you know how I like to deal with things on my own. I think sometimes I need these surprise visits to bring me back to the real world.”   
There it is; she’s grinning again. “Yeah, you do tend to sulk a lot. Um, so what did you want to talk to me about?” she asks, brushing a stray lock of hair away from her face.   
You smirk placidly, tilting your head. “I wanted to inquire about an incident involving a certain Dave Strider.” This did the trick. Your best friend’s giggling and blushing heavily, cupping her hands around her face in embarrassment.   
“Oh my god, Rose! You make it sound like a federal crime or something!” she squeals, pushing you with her hand.   
“Just how long did you think you could keep it from us?”   
Jade sinks down in the couch, exhaling. “We weren’t trying to keep it from you! We were just…waiting for the right time!” she protests, confirming your fears.   
“Ah, but there is never a ‘perfect time’, my dear.” You say, putting on your stuffy teacher voice.  
“Cut the therapy crap, Rose! We didn’t want to tell you because we knew you’d act like this! Ugh, and John, he’ll be all over-protective and dorky and…. We were going to tell you together!” she pouts, huffing to catch her breath.   
You raise an eyebrow. “I think you got off lucky. Dave will have it much harder with John. I just can’t wrap my head around it. Why would any sane girl want to date my cousin? It doesn’t make sense to me.” She throws a pillow at you.  
“Stop it! I know you think Dave’s a douche and all that, but he’s always been really nice to me! He’s a gentleman, and I’ve kind of been crushing on him since we were kids, so what am I supposed to do when he asks me out?!”   
He asked her? “So how did it happen? I hope he was perfectly well mannered.” If Dave said one inappropriate word to her, you swear to the Dark Gods you will-  
“Rose, come on. Your cousin isn’t half as sleazy as you make him out to be! He just came and met me at work. We went out to a café and he just asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend, that’s all! He even blushed a little, ok?”  
You smirk. You have to admit that you underestimated him a little. Of course he’d had a crush on Jade for a long time, too, but would casually deny any remark about it.   
“So what about this party, then? Miss Piexes sure seems to have a lot of them.” You inquire, changing the subject.   
“Oh, that’s not her! That’s usually her mom, or her cousin. You know her mom’s the head of the Betty Crocker company? Feferi inherited the mansion when she turned eighteen, but her family still borrows it now and then.” Jade remarks. Ah, yes, you remember now. That’s why Feferi also had so many expensive accessories; Betty Crocker co. brought in a lot of money.   
“Oh, and Rose! It’s a fancy dress party, too, remember! What are you going to wear?” Great. Another one of the reasons you didn’t want to go was the preparation. As much as you loved elegant ball gowns, it took too much effort to buy one, wear it and apply the appropriate makeup and hair products.   
“I was just going to wear one of my old dresses…” yes, that should be suitable.   
But Jade shook her head. “No, no, those are too dark! All of your clothes are too dark! You need to wear something bright to cheer you up! It’s Feferi’s twentieth birthday and your first party in ages!”   
You roll your eyes. Of course. “Alright then; if it makes you happy, I’ll go get something tailor-made. I’ll ask for something bright and cheery.” You sneer out the last couple of words with a defiant smirk.   
Jade grinned mischievously at you, eyes gleaming with a surely evil plan. “You know what else would cheer you up? A date.”  
This stops you. “Jade, no. I’m not looking for a relationship right now.” The last thing you need is a date with one of Jade’s hippy friends.   
Jade stuck out lip. “But I know a lot of people I think you’d really like! Guys and girls, ok?”   
Your resolve melts at this. “I really have the best friends in the world, don’t I?” You hadn’t really made it obvious one way or the other about your sexuality, but you still dreaded telling your friends and family. But, bless their souls, they had been genuinely happy for you. Even your sister had remarked “Hey, that’s cool! Means you’re open to everyone!” And your mother…..actually, she was quite drunk at the time, so she probably didn’t know what was going on. When you think about it, she probably wouldn’t have even seen it as something to care about.   
“Alright, here’s a deal. If I’m still single after the party, you can set me up with whatever poor soul you want.”  
“Yay!” Jade squeals and jumps up to hug you. “Good things are going to come your way soon, Rose, I promise!”


	2. Fabrications

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last Rose chapter for now.Next up is Dave!

You kept one of your promises to Jade, at least; right now you’re on your way to a dress maker’s shop, a place called Fire Flies. The small shop had intrigued you for a while, but you’ve never been in there before.   
As you open the door, a bell chimes. The room you enter in small and cosy, organised yet cluttered. There are a lot of pot plants; climbing vines, bonsai trees and vibrant flowers. There are strings of magnificent paper lanterns hanging from the corners of the ceiling and walls. They are delicately painted in bright colours with simple yet elegant designs that glow from the light in the middle. On the walls are racks of pre-made dresses and suits, as well as any kind of clothes you could think of. There are fabric swatches and pieces of materials strewn around the room and covering the countertop.   
Behind the counter is a woman reading a thick book. She looks up and rises from her chair, walking towards you with a friendly smile. “Hello, and welcome to Fire Flies. How may I help you?” her words are very well pronounced and elegant. They sound professional and graceful, the way she looks.   
She is very tall and willowy, with long limbs and confident, perfect posture. Her skin is porcelain pale with nary a flaw to be seen, beautifully complemented by the dark, black-brown hair fanning out around her face in a feathered style. In the light flowing from the windows, you can see the thinnest burgundy streaks. She wears a gorgeously intricate blouse in a pale green, almost the same colour as her eyes. There are darker green ribbons that cut the blouse in different sections, and in those sections are a myriad of different patterns and colours, something like a very elegant, hypnotic kaleidoscope.   
“Miss?” Her voice calls out, bringing you back to attention.   
“Uh, yes. Do you mind if I look around for a while first?” you ask, trying to turn your tone back to calm and self-assured. The woman nods shyly, and you’re glad there’s no one else in the shop.   
You take a moment to admire the lanterns. “These are beautiful. Who made these?”  
The woman smiles softly, her eyes lighting up slightly. “I did. It’s…it’s a hobby of mine.” She’s blushing, is she? How adorable.  
One of the lanterns catches your eye. It’s orange, turned a pastel colour by the light. Right in the middle is a big yellow sunburst symbol that is almost identical to the golden pendant hanging from the thick black cord on your neck. “This one’s gorgeous.” You turn to her. “Are these for sale?”  
“You…you want to buy that one?” she looks at the one you’ve been admiring, a sort of confliction in her eyes.   
“Well, I can choose another, if you’re set on keeping that one.” You say coyly.   
“Oh, no, you take that one. I don’t mind. That particular design is just very special to me. My…an old friend helped me make that one.” A shadow passes over the woman’s eyes. “I heard sentimental value increases an object’s worth in potions.” She says, a hint of sarcasm playing into her tone. Her smile shows her playful intent.   
You smirk. “Yes, I’m very well-versed in that topic.” You say with a laugh. You turn your attention to the plants. A single purple-pink rose sits in an intricate vase. You take it as a sign.   
“And these plants?” you ask.   
“I grew them from seeds.”  
She strikes you as a very creative person. Jade would approve. “So you make dresses, craft lanterns and grow plants? What other great talents do you have?”  
She smiles and looks back over at the counter. “I do admit I am quite an avid reader.”   
You follow her eyes and take hold of the book she was reading when you walk on. “Twilight?” you inquire, holding the novel up with a smirk on your face. If she’s reading it ironically, Dave would most certainly give you a cool thumbs-up. If she’s reading it sincerely, you’re afraid the friendly banter must stop now.   
The woman rolls her eyes and sighs, crossing her slender arms over the chest. “A tasteless friend recommended it to me, perhaps out of spite. I do enjoy most vampire novels, but not this one. The idea of…glowy vampires? It’s complete nonsense.”   
This woman had completely won your favour. You quickly grab a pen and a scrap of paper out of your bag and scribble a few notes. “Maybe another time I could bring over some vampire novels you might enjoy more? And…you can call me anytime, too.” You say with a subtle wink. Your sister would be proud, but afterwards you feel embarrassed. She might like other women and she might not, but there was only one way to find out, right?  
“Why, thank you.” She reaches into a draw in the counter. “Here, my number’s on my card.” She fumbles around for a while before handing you a small, pale green square of paper. You notice that she’s blushing again.   
“Thanks.” You observe the card. Kanaya Maryam. Dress maker.   
“Oh! You’re…Rose Lalonde. The therapist, yes?” Kanaya inquires, amazement shining in her eyes.   
“Hmm? Oh, yes, I am. You’ve heard of me?” that was unexpected. You had barely begun your career in comparison to others, and you worked in a pretty small clinic, anyway.   
Kanaya smiles again, and that pretty blush appears on her pale cheeks. “Yes, I’m actually a big admirer of your work. I would have looked into therapy if I didn’t love tailoring so much.”  
You smile widely. You do believe you have met your first fan. “Well, it was a pleasure meeting you, Miss Maryam.” You say, tilting your head.  
She smiles back at you. “The same to you, Miss Lalonde.”   
You hear the bell chime behind you as you walk out the door, and you’re smiling the whole walk home.   
Looks like Jade’s promise is already taking affect. You muse happily.  
Shit! You completely forgot to ask about the dress. 

 

“Oh my god, you got her number?! That’s great, Rose! You’ve got to ask her out on a date! Ooh, I’ll come, too! I want to meet her!”  
“Ok, Jade, let’s not get too carried away.”  
“So, what’s the dress going to be like?”  
“…”  
“Seriously, Rose? You’re supposed to be the reasonable one! Come on, get your head in the game!”  
“Alright, I get it! I will get the dress. Eventually.”  
“You know what you need to do?”  
“No, Jade, tell me what I need to do.”  
“Call her.”  
“Jade, I wi-”  
“Call her.”

 

“Um, Kanaya? This is Rose Lalonde, the therapist? I’d like to inquire about a dress…”

 

“Isn’t this great, Rose? See, I told you a date would be good for you!” Jade chirps as you walk along the streets to the pretty little café you two visited a lot.   
You tuck your hands into the pockets of your long grey cardigan. “Jade, it’s not a date. You’re coming with me, and I told you, I’m not interested in a relationship.” You say, your tone clipped.   
Jade giggles. “Yeah, but it looks like one found you!” she sings, tapping you on the shoulder.   
You smile. Her energy is contagious. “Well, let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves, alright? She might not even be interested.”  
“Yeah, but she agreed to come here today. That’s got to count for something!”  
You walk into the warm, familiar café, breathing in the scent of coffee and freshly-made cakes and slices. You and Jade take a seat near the window, and you feel butterflies taking flight in your stomach. “What if she doesn’t come?” you whisper, feeling slightly sick.   
Jade’s hand finds yours under the table. “Rose, sweetie, she’s going to come, trust me. From what you’ve told me, she sounds like a really great person. And if she doesn’t show…well, I’m just going to have to say that she’s a bitc-”  
“Jade, shh.”   
“Aw, c’mon Rose. I don’t want to be mean, but if she doesn’t have the decency to-”  
“No, Jade, she’s coming.” You whisper hoarsely, giving Jade’s arm a shove.   
There she was; Kanaya, wearing an emerald-green halter top with a dark green ribbon tying it to her neck. On her feet were dainty black leather ballet flats, embedded with tiny green crystals. Her eyes flitted around the room, and lit up as she saw them.   
“Hello.” She says politely, delicately removing her purse from her shoulder and draping it across the chair.   
“Hi!” Jade grins perkily and waves. You supress a groan.   
“Kanaya, this is my friend Jade. I hope you don’t mind that she came along…?” you would have preferred it if it was just the two of you, but Jade could be very persistent.   
But Kanaya smiled, her teeth dazzlingly white. “No, I don’t mind at all.” She says, and picks up a menu. “What would you recommend?” she asks, staring into your eyes.   
You don’t need to look at the menu; you’ve been there so many times you’re confident you could chant the whole thing like a parrot. “Well, the chocolate fudge brownies here are absolutely divine, but if you’re looking for something lighter, the apple and cinnamon muffins are quite delectable.”   
She presses an index finger to her dark lips in thought. “I think I’ll try the brownies, per your suggestion.” She says with a smile, which you return.   
“Well, I’m going to have one of these delicious cupcakes!” Jade declares, rubbing her hands together in glee.   
You reach into your bag and pull out three heavy books. “I brought those books I was talking about. The House of Night series.” You hold up the first book so Kanaya can see the cover.   
“Considering how you’ve read the whole Twilight saga since the first time we met, I assumed you were a fast reader and brought the first three books.” Ugh, why do you ramble like this? This would definitely be perceived as ‘creepy’ by your friends. Sure enough, Jade is shaking her head slowly at you, drawing a finger across her throat.   
But Kanaya regards the book with awe, smiling once again. “Thank you! I’m sure I will enjoy them, and I am quite a fast reader, so your thoughts are well appreciated.” You’re sure both you and Jade breath an internal sigh of relief.   
Encouraged, you continue. “Yes, well, I find the idea of tattooed vampires to be rather intriguing. I can give you the rest of the series whenever you like.”  
You spend the rest of the time with idle chit-chat like this, munching on one of the tastiest chocolate brownies you’ve ever had, sharing a plate with the elegant Kanaya Maryam. Jade’s all smiles and giggles; her bright pink, decorated cupcake making her look like she was ten years old, compared to the classy taste of your new companion.   
“So how’s the dress going? Rose hasn’t told me what it looks like yet.” She says, picking an icing-sugar flower off the top of said cupcake and popping it into her mouth.   
Kanaya’s eyes sparkled like they did whenever she spoke of her passion. “Well, we were thinking of something orange, with maybe a sun emblem? The one on Rose’s necklace is splendid.” You share a secret grin with her. You’d had a great time planning and designing the dress Kanaya would be making. It felt nice to have someone pay attention to her like that.   
Jade’s eyes widened as she grinned. “Orange? That’s nice and bright, isn’t it? Heehee!”   
You roll your eyes affectionately. “Yes, Jade, orange is a bright colour! Thank you so much for pointing that out.” You say dryly.   
“Hey, shush, you!” she complains, elbowing you hard. “I’m sure it’ll be beautiful, Kanaya! Rose is going to wear it to Feferi Peixes’s party; do you know her?”   
Kanaya delicately wipes a crumb from her lip. “Yes, she’s quite a good friend of mine. Actually, you remind me of her, Jade.”   
Jade frowns, cupping her chin in her hand. “Wow, really? Everyone says that, but I can’t see the similarities.” She shrugs.   
You have to laugh at this. “Jade, honey, it’s not your looks, though you do both have insane amounts of hair.” You and Kanaya giggle. “You’re both very energetic and bubbly, you know. Both of you are very positive people to be around. You also both like colourful stuffed animals, too.” You smirk at this analysis, and Jade shakes her head.   
“I didn’t need a full-blown report, but thanks, anyway!” she suddenly becomes distracted by someone entering the café. “Hey, Karkat! Over here!”   
You turn around in disbelief. No, you really don’t need anything else interrupting this outing. But coming towards you are Gamzee and Karkat, oh, shit written all over his face.   
His dark eyes scan your table, eyebrows raised in disbelief. “Ok, so what the actual fuck is going on here?”   
Jade frowns and scolds him. “Karkat! God, I can’t believe you’re swearing in front of Rose’s date!”   
You’re sure you, Kanaya and Karkat are all staring at her in horror. Karkat, strangely, keeps glaring between the two of you, looking disgusted.   
Kanaya finally breaks the silence by waving the comment off. “It’s quite alright, Jade. I’m well accustomed to Karkat’s outbursts.” She says calmly, giving Karkat a devious grin.   
Karkat’s muscles tense up, like they always do when he’s feeling especially frustrated. “So let me get this straight….you two sacks of smug are going on a date while Harley tags along as a third wheel? Great. Thanks for fucking up my life again.”   
Jade groans, her hand pressed against her fore-head in a well-earned face-palm. “Karkat, you’re embarrassing us in public…”  
Gamzee puts his hand on Karkat’s shoulder. “Hey, man, I think we should motherfucking calm down and let them explain some shit.” He says, and his roommate instantly calms.   
He takes a shuddering breath before speaking. “Ok, so explain.” He waves a hand at you.  
You ignore him and look to Kanaya. “You know him?” you can hear Karkat groan loudly.   
Kanaya serenely folds her napkin into triangles. “Yes, we’ve been good friends for years now. Bye the way; hello Karkat.” She says fondly, regarding him the way you often regard John in his particular moments of naivety.   
Karkat looks down sullenly. “Hi, Kanaya.”   
Gamzee grins. “Hey, sis!” he says, as if just noticing her presence.   
Kanaya’s smile fades, and her now-icy gaze drifts past him. “Hello Gamzee.” She says coldly. Interesting.   
“So, Karkat, Kanaya is creating a lovely dress for me for Feferi’s party, and we are discussing it over confectionaries like good old friends.” You say, letting a bit of bitterness slip in.   
“So why’s Harley here?”  
“Oh, Karkat, that reminds me.” Kanaya says, getting up to stand next to him. He’s adorably dwarfed in comparison to her height. “I need to get started on what you’re wearing to the party.”  
Karkat steps back. “No! I’m not fucking wearing some sort of monkey-suit, ok?!” he blurts, a flustered blush spearing across his face.   
Kanaya’s face flashes with irritation. “I’m insulted, Karkat. I wouldn’t make any sort of monkey-suit. I certainly hope you weren’t planning to wear that horrible old sweater!” the glare from her gaze cuts like knives.   
Karkat squirms uncomfortably and avoids eye contact. “Ugh, fine. I’ll be your fucking model, if that’ll make you happy.” You have to hold a hand to your mouth to keep from laughing out loud.  
Kanaya smiles broadly and sits back down. “Wonderful. I’ll book your appointment, then.”   
Jade bites her lip and looks at her watch. “Aw, man! I’ve got to go down to the store in ten minutes!” she exclaims, hastily shoving the rest of her cupcake into her mouth and grabbing her bag.   
Kanaya laughs. “I’m sorry, Rose, but I’m afraid I’ll have to go, too. I’ve got a lot of orders to complete, and a lot of reading to do.” She says, holding up the book with a wink.   
You smile and meet her gaze. “That’s fine. It was wonderful talking to you.”   
Karkat narrows his eyes at you both. “Oh god, please stop with this ridiculous flirting before I hang myself!”

 

You’re feeling as happy as you’ve been since…well, the happiest you’ve been in months. The encounter, despite all the interruptions and awkwardness, was actually very enjoyable. After dropping Jade off at the pet store, you called Dave before making yourself a cup of tea and settling down, a vampire novel in hand.   
With a start, you hear the phone ring and jump to get it, almost knocking over your mug. “Hello?”  
“Rosey! That you?” It’s your sister. You sigh.   
“Yes, Roxy, it’s me.”  
“So hey, I haven’t seen ya in ages, little sis! You – you know, Janey says we should all meet up again! All you an’ all your li’l friends!” Oh, god, she’s drunk again. Dark Gods, save me now!  
“Yes, well, that sounds very nice…”  
“Ya know, Rose, they’re havin’ a memorial. Up at the Country Club. You should come, Rosy.”   
No. Fuck, no. I can’t deal with this right now. Not when everything’s just falling back into place.  
“You know I’d love to come, Roxy. But I’ve been so busy with work lately, and I-”  
“No! Do- don’t you fuckin’ say it, Rose! Jus’ stop lying to me. I knew you’d do this! Ya always make up some half-assed excuse not to see me!”   
Why did you have to go and say that? You always ended up upsetting your sister. “No, Roxy, it’s not like that!”  
“You jus’ hate me, don’tcha? You never wanna spend any time with me anymore. Ya know, we’re s’posed to be in this together, the great Lalondes! But…but even Strider’s been more supportive than you have! An’ he’s a no-good, stoic ninja dude!”  
Fuck. She was so emotional in this state. “Roxy, of course I don’t hate you! I’m just…I’m really tied up here, ok? But you can call me anytime, and I’ll help you out, all right? We’re still the great Lalondes.”  
Silence, then some snuffling noises. “Mom would’a wanted you to come.” Says your sister’s muffled voice, before she hangs up.   
You stare at the mug of tea on your countertop, then at the wine cabinet. Well, now’s as good a time as any to break them open.


	3. Adorations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I did at good job at writing Dave's POV....  
> I also have a tag for this on Tumblr, it's #paper lanterns fic

Ok, you’re definitely going to do it. Tonight. Right after you- no. You’re going to do it now. Yeah, you’ll just tell John now and get it over with. You can deal with Rose later, but you can handle John now.   
Here we go. Right….  
Oh, look. There goes the phone. You should probably get that. “Yo,”   
“Dave, you have a lot of explaining to do.” Fuuuuck.   
“Oh, hey Rose. How you goin’? Jade told me you have a girlfriend.” Yeah, that’ll trick her.   
“Look, she’s not my girlfriend, and don’t change the subject.”  
You smirk and pick up the TV remote. You’re the master of multi-tasking. “I wasn’t aware we were on a subject,” Crap. Nothing good’s on TV anymore.   
“Jade told me everything, so there’s no use hiding.” You swear she has psychic mind powers. But then, you hadn’t exactly hidden your relationship with Jade the other night.   
“Oh. Well, busted, I guess? What’s there to talk about anyway? We’re a couple; hurrah.” Six o’clock news will have to do for now.   
You can easily picture your cousin spinning around one-hundred-and-eighty degrees on her swivel chair, stroking that insane cat like a psychotic evil genius. “So have you told John yet, or will I have to do that for you?”  
You purse your lips and start anxiously at the door. John should be coming back from his shift at the movie rental store. If Rose gets to John before you do, they’ll surely gang up on you and find a way to kill you without getting their girlish hands dirty. “Not yet, but I’m going to tell him as soon as he walks in the door.”  
You can see Rose’s smug eyebrow rising up like a windscreen wiper or something. “Really? That’s not likely, considering your tendency towards procrastination.”  
You rake a hand through your hair, kind of knocking your shades aside. “What? No way, man. I got nothing to do with procrastination. I just totally put a restraining order on procrastination.” Fuck, you are so gonna procrastinate the shit out of Egbert.   
“Right. Well, good luck with that. Just a reminder that if you so much as slightly offend Jade, I swear I will-”  
“Hey, look at that! John’s home! So I’m gonna hang up now and totally not procrastinate.” Beep.   
The door swings open and your roommate appears, wearing his dorky ghost-busters t-shirt. “Hi, Dave!”   
“Hey,” you say, quickly putting your phone in your pocket and sliding onto the couch. Totally casual. “How was your shift? It’s fucking late, John.”  
John takes his jacket off and yawns. He never used to work the evening shift, but that had changed when he’d met a certain someone. “Yeah, it was alright.” He seemed slightly more…forlorn than usual. Ha, forlorn’s a good word.   
“So didn’t your girlfriend come and visit you?” you ask. You hadn’t actually met the chick, but you have John’s word that she’s ‘awesome’ and a ‘total badass’.   
John gives you a dry look over his glasses. “Dave, you know she hasn’t been out much since her…uh, operation thing.”  
Fuck, you forgot about that. “Oh, right, yeah…”  
You sit on the couch awkwardly for a few moments. This is awesome procrastinating.   
“Daaave, I’m hungry.” John whines, stretching out his legs and yawning.   
You smirk and stuff around with the remote some more without looking up. “Hey, remember when I quit being your personal maid?”   
John huffs and stands up dramatically, throwing his hands in the air. “Fine, I’ll get it myself!” he says, drawing out the syllables like he was singing some messed up choir song.   
“That’s an idea. Hey, throw me something, too, ok?” A packet of ships hits you squarely in the back of the well. Well, you did ask for it.  
“Lazy bastard.” John says with a grin. He takes a deep breath and twiddles his thumbs, until you can no longer take it.   
“You wanna say something, Egbert?” you encourage gently.   
He exhales deeply and bites his lip, a habit both him and his cousin share. “Um, are you and Jade going out? Because I was just wondering, the other night…” he trails off and stares at you with those insanely blue eyes, adorable nervousness showing. Obviously he was uncomfortable talking about this.   
You bow your head a little, admitting defeat. At least now Rose couldn’t come and ruin everything. “Yeah, we are. Are you ok with that?”   
John looks flustered. “Uh, well, I guess? I mean, it’s your decision, right? But…it is kind of weird. Just…why didn’t you tell me earlier?” he stutters, cheeks flaring.   
You sigh. “Well, I was going to, but…I was just going to wait a while, you know? And I understand about it being weird and all, but…what can I say? I really like Jade; have for a long time, too. But you know I’m not good at this whole dating thing.” Not to say you were a huge pimp or whatever, but you’ve had your share of one-night stands. You just weren’t good at committing to relationships, and talking about your fucking feelings and everything. But no way in hell would you blow off Jade without calling her, or anything like that. Hell, you two had been friends for years and god damn if she wasn’t the most precious thing to you. Plus, you’d get your ass kicked by so many different people if you ever hurt her.   
“Hey, uh, I don’t want to pry, but have you two kissed yet?” John’s meek voice startles the crap out of you. You were not expecting that question.   
“Why do you need to know? You need to get all the details on how your cousin kisses? That’s pretty fucking creepy, Egbert.”   
“Huh? Oh, man, I didn’t mean it like that, you know that! Fuck you!” he complains, flicking you on the back of the head.   
“Ow! Jeez, I’m kidding! Calm down!” you laugh. You just loved how you could have these awkward as fuck conversations and still be able to joke about it.   
“So when am I going to meet your girlfriend?” you ask, lifting your blond eyebrows up and down suggestively.   
John frowns. “Vriska’s not my girlfriend. At least, I don’t think so?”   
Oh, fuck. That’s just too damn cute. “Well, what is she, then?”  
John presses his fist against his mouth and lowers his eyebrows, full thinking-face turned on. “She’s my almost-girlfriend.”  
You snort at that. “Almost girlfriend? How does that work?” you snicker. He can be such a dork sometimes.   
He pouts. “Well, I really like her, but I don’t know if we’re actually going out or anything yet? And, well, sometimes she kind of flirts with other people…”  
You take a deep breath and cross your arms. “Ok, let’s get this straight. She calls into the store to see you a lot, right?”  
John nods slowly, unsure where this is headed. “Yeah…”  
“And you go out with her, alone, a whole lot?”  
Another nod. “And you really like her, and you’re pretty sure she likes you too?”  
“Yeah, Dave, you’ve pretty much covered all the bases.”  
“Then you’re pretty much already an item. You just have to ask her out to make it official.”   
John’s eyes widen to new horizons and his mouth falls open. “Dave! Y-you don’t just ask out Vriska Serket! You can’t just pull off a half-assed stunt and be all casual like you probably did!”  
You shake a finger at him. “I’ll have you know I was very romantic. Got her a hamburger and everything.”   
John moans. “That’s not going to cut it with Vriska. She’s…she’s different, you know? She’s in a class of her own.”   
What would this kid do without you? Actually, without your advice he’d probably be drooling after the girl. “Then give her something different. Take her to a fancy restaurant. Buy her some balloons or flowers or shit. Make sure you pay for both of you, and you can share dessert, too. Girls like that kind of thing.”   
John stares at you in shock. “Wow, that’s…that’s impressive, Dave! Are you sure that’ll work, though?”  
You cross your arms over your head. “Yeah, girls go gaga for all that romantic stuff. If she doesn’t say yes to all that and you, I don’t know what to tell you.”   
John grins, showing off his overbite. “Thanks, Dave! That’s brilliant!”   
“Glad I could help, Egbert. But I get to meet this girl soon, right?” you had to make sure she was right for your nerdy little pal.   
John looked up at the ceiling. “Well, she’s coming to the party, so I’ll guess you’ll meet her there?”   
A thought crossed your mind. “Yeah, that’s great. But John? I’ve…I’ve kind of heard some bad things about this girl. Mostly from Karkat.”  
With a twinge of regret, you watch your friend’s face fall. He looks so sad you want to hug him. “I…I know she’d done some bad things before. A lot of things, actually. But she’s different now; I know she is! And I know Karkat doesn’t like her much, but she’s a great person when you get to know her! She’s just had a hard life, but I know she’s a good person.” Holy fuck, he’s almost crying, and so are you.   
You smile and look into his eyes through your dark shades. “I believe you. If you say she’s a good person, I believe you.”

 

John’s alarm clock rings loudly and obnoxiously. Even though you’re in different rooms in the apartment, you can still hear the freaking old-school red clock with the enormous bell thing on top. Well, you might as well get up, too. You needed to pick up a few things before you headed over to the club.   
You observe your reflection in the mirror. You look horrible. Your pale hair and skin plus those stupid red eyes of yours make you look like an albino. And your previously mentioned hair is sticking up at all angles, making you seem like a homicidal scarecrow. Not to mention your stupid, tacky red pyjamas with…were they cogs?... printed all over them.   
You yawn and rake a hand through your hair. Ah, much better. Next, you pick up your shades and apply them to your face. “Lookin’ good!” you say to your totally hot reflection.  
“Thanks, Dave!” You hear John call out from the kitchen. Smartass.  
After you dress, you head out to snag some breakfast. “What are you doing up so early, Dave?” John asks, already poring cereal for both of you.   
You grab the milk out of the fridge and puzzle at the lack of fruit in your house. How come you only ever buy junk? “Uh, I need to grab some CDs from Terezi’s shop, and then I need to stock up our fridge a bit. And… are you doing anything after work?” You kind of needed to get John out of the apartment for a few hours while you had Jade over. It would be unnecessarily awkward to have him there during that time.   
“Hmm? Oh, me and Karkat are going to go see a movie tonight!” You can’t help but snicker.   
“You actually found a movie both of you want to see?” that would be a miracle. They both liked to argue away the hours over whose movies were better, but you think it would be more valuable to find out whose were worse.   
John rolled his eyes, smiling. “Well, I think it will be horrible, but I didn’t think it was worth fighting over. Plus, he’s paying for popcorn!”  
Perfect. That ought to give you enough time. “Well, you have a good time, then. I’ve gotta run!” you quickly scoff down the rest of your cereal and hurry out the door, walking down to the music shop in town.   
You walk in the door, admiring the great tracks on display. This shop, and whoever ran it, had excellent taste. “Yo, Terezi!” you call out to the girl standing idly at the counter.   
Terezi is tiny in height, even short than Karkat, which is saying something. She’s a little on the chubby side, but it’s cute. Her skin’s an olive shade that contrasts with her shoulder-length, auburn hair that curled up at the ends. She’s wearing a teal t-shirt and bright, cherry-red jeans, which is kind of a pain to the eyes, but obviously it doesn’t bother her, being blind. On her face are pointy red sunglasses, amazingly unique to the glasses usually assigned to blind people. She also carries a red and white cane, which she is extremely well-skilled with, and you’ve witnessed her whack quite a few people with it, on purpose.   
“Hey, Dave!” she calls, grinning gleefully. You walk up to the counter and touch her hand gently, alerting her of your presence.   
“Hey. Do you have my CDs made up?” You’d usually grab them yourself, but you can’t see them on the counter where she usually puts them.   
Without turning her head, Terezi calls out. “Where’d you put Dave’s CDs?” her voice is nasally and slightly croaky, but endearing.   
You look around to see who she’s talking to, and notice a guy leaning against the back wall. “That shit? I put it in the back room; it’th the third one on the th-econd shelf on the left.” Huh. Nice lisp. Despite the speech impediment and snarky words, his tone was affectionate towards Terezi. That earned your respect.   
“Fine. But next time, don’t move my stuff without asking!” she grumbles, waving her cane in front of her as she walked.   
The lispy guy is, like, really scrawny. It looks seriously unhealthy. His hair is brown and his fringe is straight-cut across his face, but sticks out at the sides funny. He’s wearing a black shirt with a bright yellow stripe in the middle under a brown leather jacket. The jacket had a few badges on it, and a lot of them looked like bees. His shoes were white, and he wore black socks with them. But the weirdest things about his appearance were his glasses. They had no rims; one of the lenses was blue, and the other was bright red. It gave off a strange kind of image, and you wonder briefly if it’s meant to be ironic.   
A name flashes through your mind, something Terezi says a lot. “Mr Apple-Berry Blast, right?” you can’t keep your face straight as you say this. Who else could it be, with those shades?  
The guy raises his eyebrows and gives you a dry look. “It’th Tholluxth, actually. Tholluxth Captor.” He says, his voice surly. You think of how much a pain it must be, to not be able to pronounce your own name properly.   
“And you’re Dave? TZ talkth about you a lot. Tho doeth KK.”   
“Who?” You frown. You don’t think you know a KK….  
Sollux (?) sighs and looks at you like you’re an idiot. “Karkat?”  
“Oh, right.” Duh. “I bet he had some really great things to say about me.”  
“Ha! I wouldn’t count on it.” Geez, what was his problem?  
Just then, Terezi comes back, holding her cane in one hand and your CD in the other. “Here you go, Dave! Rock the socks out of that place, ok?” she slaps the disc down on the counter heartily, a wild grin lighting up her face.   
Sollux snorts, and Terezi turns her head in the direction of the sound. “Since you’re being a lazy snob, why don’t you go organise that back room? So I can actually find what I need for once!” Oh, god, her voice is just that perfect mixture of evil fairy and manipulative little kid. No one can say no to her, not even the grumpy bee guy.   
“Yeth, milady,” he snickers, and walks off, his arms still folded firmly over his skinny chest. 

You touch Terezi’s finger and pry the disc from her hands. “Is he always like that?” she’d talked about her co-worker plenty of times before, but she’d made him sound like a reasonably pleasant person to be around.   
She cackles, throwing her head back. “No, he’s just being grouchy because his love life is a mess and he’s a sad, lonely hermit.” You don’t think anyone else could make other people’s misfortune sound so funny.   
“Dave, are you coming to the party?” Terezi asks in her best whiny kid voice. She sticks out her bottom lip and twiddles her thumbs behind her back, looking like a mischievous toddler.   
You can’t help but grin. Gosh darn if she wasn’t the cutes thing on the planet right now. “Yeah, definitely. Heard it’s gonna be the party of the century.” Peixes parties had a reputation for being totally bad-ass, but you suspect that’s more due to Feferi’s cousin than the actual birthday girl herself. You doubted Feferi had ever seen a spiked punch bowl in her life.  
Terezi smiled and tapped her cane on the ground. “You should DJ! It’d be amazing, heehee!”  
“Nah, sorry, ‘Rez. Don’t want to upset Feferi by crashing her party. Besides, I don’t think rap is really her style.” You briefly imagine having security called on you at the party. The security guards would probably be wearing Betty Crocker brand uniforms and hit people with giant slices of cake.   
Terezi frowns, pouting hard. “But you have to, Dave! It would be the coolest thing ever! Because you’re the coolest!” she has you there. You can’t possible turn her down when she starts with the whole ‘cool kid’ act.   
You ruffle her auburn hair playfully, hearing her chuckle. “I’ll see what I can do.”   
“You’re the best!” she chirps.  
You sneak a look at your watch, not that she would notice. Shit. You’ve really got to get the rest of the junk you were supposed to. “Aw, man, Terezi, I gotta go! Don’t want to be late!”   
Terezi grinned and raised her eyebrows knowingly. “For what? Your date with a certain Miss Harley?” her grin is so wide it looks like her face will split in half.   
You laugh and tap her glasses. “How do you know about that, little imp?” heck, sometimes it was like the girl could read your mind. On more than a few occasions it was down-right creepy.   
“Oh, a little cat girl told me you two were dating!” she sings, and it takes you a while to realise who she’s talking about. That’s right- her roommate, Nepeta, was crazy-obsessed with cats, and other people’s relationships. She also worked with Jade, so that was probably how she found out.   
“Alright, you tell her I said hi. I’ll see you later, Terezi!” You pat her on the head again before heading out. You couldn’t keep any secrets in this god damned place, could you?


	4. Affections

There weren’t many people at the club today, but at least you didn’t have to think too hard. It was mainly the regulars who liked whatever the heck you played, and Terezi’s CD did the trick.   
As you walked out to your car, you hesitated over changing into something classier. But what else would you wear? A tuxedo? You were just going to watch a movie at your house; not a big deal. Jade didn’t care about superficial things like that, anyway. If you stop at any more shops, you’ll be late to pick her up.   
Becquerel’s Pet Store was founded by Jade’s grandpa, and named after her giant white dog. It got pretty crazy in there sometimes, but Jade loved it. It always smelt a bit too much like rabbit shit for your liking, though.   
A tiny body of pure energy in a green sweater and a blue cat hat bounces up to greet you. “Hi, Dave!” Nepeta chirps, her olive green eyes shiny with the giddiness she always seemed to be carrying around. She’d been working here for ages, though you knew she also volunteered at the hospital sometimes. Her dark green sweater contrasted kind of strangely with the vibrant, indigo-blue dress underneath, and the long tie that hung from her neck. It matched the tie of her hulking surgeon mass of a best friend. Like always, she was wearing her tacky blue hat, shaped like a hat’s head with two long strings with pom-poms hanging down from either side. Her chestnut-coloured hair curled up around it, and coiled around her neck. Her olive-toned skin and freckles completed her little-girl look.   
“Hey, Nepeta, is Jade here?” the girl’s eyes lit up even more, making her look like an anime character. Her lips spread into a cheeky grin.   
“Sure, Dave, she’s just in the back. I’ll go get her!” she flounced off, basically skipping. How she had so much energy, you’d never know.   
“Jade! Your boyfriend’s here!” she says in her sing-song voice. She has a slight Hispanic accent that makes her rs sound more pronounced, almost purred. You know she’s only a year younger than you, but she just seems really young. Too young to be spending so much time around injured people, and maybe even watching surgeries?   
Your eyes are distracted from her by a quiet, delicate sneeze on the other side of the store. There’s Tavros, another employee, holding a kitten and giving it to a young boy. He sees you and looks away quickly. Jade said he kind of idolised you. Even though he’s turned away, you keep staring. You know it’s gotten to the point where it’s kind of creepy, but you’re staring at him because he’s standing. Every time you’ve seen him, he’d been in a wheelchair. And now he was walking, albeit awkwardly and stiffly. His movements seemed kind of jerky and unsure. You wondered if his injury was one where he didn’t need a wheelchair all the time….but you weren’t sure. You didn’t know the guy very well, and every time you’d spoken to him he’d just stuttered and mumbled.   
“Dave, hi!” you turn back around, and come face to face with the most beautiful girl in the world. She wraps you up in a hug, both of your glasses clinking together as your heads touch. Behind her, you see Nepeta staring at you with a grin of some perverted pleasure, and stick your tongue out at her. She giggles like a frigging fairy.   
“Hey, gorgeous. Hope I’m not late, or anything…?” you would hate yourself if you made her wait.   
Jade opens her mouth and laughs, brushing a lock of hair away from her face. “No, no, you’re a little early, actually!” her warm fingers twined around your own.  
“I knew you two would get together! I just knew it!” Nepeta said, clapping her hands together in glee. “It just makes so much sense! You’re so cute together!”  
“Shh, Nep!” Jade holds a finger up to her lips, laughing. “Do you think you can hold down fort ‘till closing time?”   
Nepeta stands up tall and gives your girlfriend a goofy salute. “Yes, ma’am!” she chirps, puffing up her chest with pride.   
You squeeze Jade’s hand. “Nep’s got it under control. Come on, I want to make popcorn!” you say, pulling her towards the door.   
Before you make it out, she turns her head back towards Nepeta. “Oh! Make sure Tavros doesn’t sneeze all over the cats?”   
Nepeta waves a hand. “Don’t worry! Just enjoy yourself!” she calls, and you finally make it through back into the real world. 

 

“You really love that place, don’t you?” what is this stuff Jade brought over? It’s popcorn, but it’s covered in caramel or some shit.   
Jade smiles, looking down into her apple juice. “Well, yeah. It was my grandpa’s life, when he wasn’t travelling. And I have a lot of fun, too! Nepeta and Tavros…they’re great. You meet a lot of interesting people, and the animals are an added bonus, too!” Fuck, she’s gorgeous when she talks about things like that. When her eyes light up when she’s happy. How did you go so long without really appreciating these things?  
You hold up one of the caramel kernel things warily. You’re pretty sure popcorn is supposed to be a savoury snack. But Jade raises her eyebrows at you and laughs. “Try it, Dave, they’re delicious!”  
With a shrug, you pop it into your mouth and chew. Behind your shades, your eyes widen in delight. “Wow,” It’s a fucking carnival on your taste buds. It’s not salty like normal popcorn, but it’s nice and crunchy and sweet.   
Jade smiles, her eyes crinkling up. “I told you!” she taps her finger against her glass and takes a handful for herself. “Thank you so much for doing this, Dave. It means a lot.”   
You look at the movie you borrowed from John sitting on the table. “It’s….it’s really not much. I just couldn’t get enough stuff organised in time.” Frozen pizza, junk food and a romantic comedy movie wasn’t your idea of the best date ever, but you’d kind of been in a rush.   
“Dave, what are you talking about? I love this! You remembered all my favourite foods, and we’re wearing cute pyjamas and we’re going to watch a Steve Carrel movie!” she grinned widely and squeezed her yellow octopus plush to her chest, her hair falling loose and wild around her black pjs with white polka dots. When she’s smiling at you like that, you can’t help but smile back. She could make chalk drawings in a cave sound fun and exciting.   
“So should we get this thing started?” you reach for the DVD, a movie called Crazy, Stupid Love.   
“Yes!” Jade squeals. She had a less-horrible version of John’s taste in tacky rom-coms.   
The movie’s surprisingly funny, but it’s Steve Carrel, so of course you’re going to laugh. The plotline thickens, but all you can think about is how great Jade’s hair smells. It’s like…green apple shampoo or something. The next thing you know, Jade’s leaning against you, her hand wrapped around your arm. Her eyes are still fixed to the screen, the movie reflecting in her glasses. She buries her head against your neck, and you smile into her hair.   
You spend a few minutes like that, wrapped up in each other. Then Jade lets go of your arm and faces you. Her hands reach up and remove your shades, placing them on the coffee table. Now you can see her properly. A lot of people don’t see her beauty straight away, just noticing her flaws. But her flaws just bring out her beauty more. Her buck teeth highlight her cheerful, bright grin, and her glasses magnify the intricate shades of green in her eyes.   
You lift up a hand and thread into the dark hair near her temple. You can feel her warm skin underneath. She closes her eyes, and you do, too. You lean in, and you can feel her warm breath on your lips.   
You’re about to make contact, and-  
“Knock, knock.” Fuck! Perfect timing, as usual!  
“Bro, what the actual fuck are you doing here?!” argh, you could kill that smug douche bag right now. Jade’s pulled away now, biting her lip and blushing like mad.   
Your brother takes in the sight, a smug grin twisting up the sides of his mouth. His stupid pointy shades seem to wink menacingly at you.  
“I just wanted to talk to my little brother for a while. I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything?” the over confident gait to his stride tells you he knew exactly what he was interrupting.   
“Yeah, you were, actually. So do you mind?” he always had to come and make you look like an awkward thirteen year old. Great, now your first kiss with Jade is ruined.   
Dirk holds his hands up in surrender. “I’ll come back later, then. Just wanted to talk.” He lowers his shades a bit and winks at your girlfriend. “Hi, Jade.”  
She rolls her eyes and smiles tolerantly. “Hey, Dirk.”  
“Tell Jake I said hi when you see him, k?”  
“Will do, Dirk.”  
You breathe a sigh of heavy annoyance and deflate on the couch. Jeez, the shit you had to put up with….you’re starting to sound like Karkat in your own mind. “Fuck. I’m sorry about that, Jade. Don’t even know why he just barged in here like that,”  
Jade giggles, waving the issue off. “It’s fine, Dave.” you really didn’t deserve a girl like her. She put up with so many of your shenanigans, it was unbelievable.   
“No, it’s kind of not. He doesn’t talk to me for ages, then he just…strides in here like he owns the place. But seriously, what if John was walking around, doing the crazy shit he does when he thinks no one’s watching-”  
Your rant is cut off abruptly as Jade’s soft, warm lips are on yours. The kiss is quick and sweet, and when it ends wish it lasted longer.   
“Dave, it’s fine.” Jade repeats, giving you a wide, shy but pleased grin.   
You grin back. “Alright, you convinced me. Have I told how fucking gorgeous you are yet?”  
She laughs and snuggles up against your shoulder. “Only fifteen times today.” She hums, rubbing her thumb in circles on your arm.   
“Damn, I haven’t met my quota yet, then. You are the most gorgeous girl in the universe. You’re the cartoon squid to my anime.” She bats your arm.   
Straightening up, she grabs her plush toy and taps her fingernails against the coffee table. “I guess I should be leaving now. You make sure you talk to your brother, ok? He has your best interests at heart.”   
You scoff at this. “Yeah, right. You’re only saying that because he gives you stupid plushies and shit.” Dirk was really fond of Jade, probably because she looked and acted so much like her cousin, Jake. At least you know he’d never be an asshole to her.   
Jade skewers you with her eyes. “Talk to him. Like a decent human being. I’ll see you soon, ok?”  
You give her a kiss on the top of her head. She was only up to your chin, either because she was teensy, or you were just a fucking giant. 

 

Not long after Jade leaves, you hear a knock on your door. At least he actually bothered to knock this time. You suspected he’d stopped Jade on her way out to talk to her.   
You’re actually kind of surprised at how much he’s changed. Or, maybe how much you’ve changed in comparison. It wasn’t that many years ago that he could actually pick you up, much to your embarrassment. But now, you were almost as tall as him. The Strider family name demanded that anyone under it would be at least the height of a professional basket-ball player. Dirk still has his signature ironic ninja style, with his anime glasses, gelled-up hair and bad ass fingerless gloves. People always said you looked hells alike, but besides the blond hair, there weren’t many similarities. Dirk had a tan, for one thing, and he actually had muscles instead of wiry sinews like you.   
Despite your humungous growth spurt, he still stuffs up your hair with his fist as he walks in, like you’re still a bratty pre-teen. You scowl at him as you attempt to flatten your locks back down. Trying to ruin his hair in retaliation would probably result in a full-blown wrestle, which you didn’t have the energy for right now.   
“Yeah, thanks a lot for tonight, bro. That really, really helped. Chicks love being cock-blocked.” You weren’t really mad at him; you never were. But that was kind of uncalled for.   
Your brother smirks. “Hey, it’s Jade. She doesn’t care. She loves me.” He just went along and helped himself to a bag of Doritos. “Anyway, I do seriously need to talk to you. Sincerely.”   
You knew he was being genuine here. You both knew when to appropriately use sincerity. “Shoot,”  
Dirk hesitated a little, holding a chip in mid-air. “Have you talked to Rosalina?”   
You frowned. Something was going on. Why wasn’t he just straight-up talking about it? “Yeah, I went to her new house the other night. It’s pretty much a fucking mansion.”  
“So how is she?” When he asked it like that, full of concern, you knew it wasn’t one of those questions people asked to be polite. He was sure as fuck checking up on her.   
You think back to yesterday. You’d talked to her that morning before work. “Actually…I don’t think she’s all that great. She’s…she’s started drinking.”  
Dirk’s eyebrows raised in surprise. Yep, there was no doubt about it. This was serious. “Really? Fuck.”  
“My sentiments exactly. Who even knew she had booze?”  
Your brother lowered his shades and stared at you full-on. “She’s been talking to Roxy. I don’t think it was a nice talk, either.” Why was it that every time he mentioned Rose’s sister, his tone got colder?   
You clenched your jaw. Yeah, Roxy was pretty destructive. “So…I’m guessing she was drunk?”  
Dirk had removed his shades, and was rolling his eyes. “When is she not?” Wow. You knew he was annoyed with her because he cared, but did he have to act so pissed off? The girl had been through a lot, and she wasn’t as good at coping with it as Rose was.   
Dirk sighs, bowing his head. “I’m just really worried about both of them. They haven’t seen each other in person since the funeral. I mean….Roxy is more drunk than ever, and for longer periods of time, and Rose just hides away behind her money and fancy new career. I don’t think we’ve been doing such a hot job of taking care of our cousins.”   
Well, there was no debating that. You were probably annoying Rose more than helping her, even though she claimed she didn’t need ‘coddling’. And you couldn’t even remember the last serious conversation you had with Roxy. That broad made it so hard to stay on track. “Yeah, I guess. So you think we should get them together or something? Y’know, make them talk?”   
Dirk shrugged. “Yeah, maybe. Doesn’t seem like Rose is being that receptive, though. Jane said Roxy tried to get her to go to a memorial service, but she claimed to be too busy.”   
“Heh. Good ol’ Jane. We really should get the whole gang together. Haven’t seen her or Jake in way too long.” Jane, John’s cousin, was pretty damn good at keeping Roxy under control, and she was a great friend for Dirk, as well. It sure helped that the girl knew her way around a Betty Crocker cake mixture.   
Dirk scrunched up the empty Doritos packet and threw it straight into the bin. He always got it in straight away, by some kind of voodoo magic. “I’m sure I can arrange that. By the way, make sure you don’t piss Jade off. I told her she can come to me if you act like a douche.”  
You roll your eyes. When will everyone get off your case and realise you cared about Jade probably more than they did? “Yeah, like I didn’t have enough jerks threatening to kick my ass.”   
Dirk stand up and – great, fucking great – gives you another noogie. “I’ll see you around. Stay cool, alright?”  
You always do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I did Dave justice! He's not my strongest character, but he's fun! Gamzee's next!


	5. Contradictions

Chapter Five: Contradictions

You sit in the passenger seat of Karkat’s car, tapping your fingers on the window absent-mindedly.   
“Can you knock that off?” Karkat snaps at you. You forgot he likes to drive in silence. You always forget things like that.   
“Sorry ‘bout that, bro.” you grin at him. He focuses on the road. You feel kind of bad about making him drive you everywhere, but he insisted. Your car was confiscated by your dad (he was probably using it because he smashed his with a crane or something) and your driving privileges were revoked since you got out of jail.   
You’re nearly at your stop when Karkat turns to you for a second. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come in with you?” his huge brown eyes are wide with concern. You know he doesn’t particularly want to join you and your cousin for a drink, but he’s worried about you like always.   
You lean back against the car seat and try to stretch out your long legs, to no avail. “Nah, man, it’s fine. Besides, I thought you all up and hated Kurloz?” Karkat usually avoided your cousin at any cost. Not that you could blame him.   
Karkat’s grip tightens on the wheel and he looks kind of nervous. “It’s not that I hate him, I’m just scared he’ll put a fucking hex on you or something.”   
“Ha ha.”   
He glares at you. “It scares me that you’re fucking laughing at that. Seriously, the guy’s creepy as fuck. You Makaras are really messed up.”   
You laugh again. Most people were scared of Kurloz, but he wasn’t really malicious or anything. He was an artist; he did weird paintings with spray cans on pavements while people watched. He had to keep up appearances.   
No, you weren’t scared of him. You were just kind of…put off…by the strict way he always acted around you. He always just stared really intensely at you with his fierce purple contacts. You kind of wished he’d loosen up a bit. Like the stern father figure I never had. If the joke wasn’t about him, your dad would have laughed.   
You snapped out of your daydream as Karkat pulled over near the agreed meeting spot. He turned to you and gave you that precious look again. “Take care, ok? I don’t want to have to bail your ass out again.”   
You give him a reassuring grin, which probably isn’t all that reassuring. “I’ll be mother fucking fine. Don’t you worry about it.”  
It isn’t hard to find your cousin in a crowd. He stands out really well. His dyed black hair is wicked crazy, gelled up to extreme heights. Like you said, he’s an artist, and he’s turned his own face and body into a masterpiece. His contacts are a dark purple that almost seem to glow. He’s painted his face pure white, with slightly darker grey paint around his cheekbones and nose, making him look like a skeleton. Oh, right. That’s how he’s supposed to look. You can tell by the black body suit he was wearing that was covered in white bone structures. At least he was wearing jeans over it. It was too cold not too. You smile with amusement as you notice that he still has the black vertical lines running over his lips. You would almost think they were stitches until he opened his mouth to eat or breathe.   
He hasn’t noticed you yet, so you walk over to him. “Hey,” you say, sitting on the bar stool next to him. He glares at you, reprimanding you with his eyes.   
“Oh, right,” you switch to speaking with your hands and sign the greeting instead. You hadn’t forgotten, sometimes you just found it hard to remember which language you were supposed to be talking in.   
Have you seen your father since you got out of jail?   
You pout. “Aw, man, why do have to start the conversation like that?” this earns you another glare. But you really didn’t want to talk about your dad.   
Rolling your eyes, you purse your lips. No, I haven’t. Do I Need to? He paid the bail. Doesn’t need to see me. You sign. He was hardly ever home anyway, and besides, the beachside house was too far away for Karkat to agree to drive you.   
You still should see him. If only to apologise. Kurloz is giving you the look now. The look that says ‘what I say is final. You will submit.’   
You sigh dramatically and slump your shoulders. Yeah, I guess. Karkat’s been getting on my case about that, too.   
People are staring at you, but you don’t take much notice. Sign language had always been pretty natural to you. You first started learning when you started school. Kurloz would come over and be frustrated when you didn’t understand him. You remember constantly asking him why he didn’t talk, and he never failed to flip you off every time. That was one sign you did understand.   
But people were always going to stare at the pair of you. You made an interesting pair; Kurloz with his silent, death-like appearance, and you with your obnoxious, cartoon-print t-shirts, ridiculous height and apparent inability to register an insult as offensive.   
Finally a bartender (probably on a dare) walk over to you, trying to avoid eye contact. “Can I get a raspberry Faygo?” since you weren’t allowed anything with alcohol in it, Faygo had become your new favourite drink.   
You look over at Kurloz. It must be a pain in the ass for him when the bar only had a menu on the opposite wall. He must hate having to walk over and point at the desired drink. “Uh, he’ll have…a vodka?” He nods appraisingly.   
“Great.” The bartender walks off, relived.   
I cannot understand why you drink that garbage. Kurloz signs, picking at the skeletal glove on his left hand.   
You smile. It’s good. It tastes like miracle. You grin, knowing this will earn it no extra points in your cousin’s opinion. He rolls his eyes at you, as expected.   
You both look up as a heavily tattooed girl with bright pink hair wanders up to you, an undecided frown on her face. “Can I have your number?” she asks Kurloz, looking him straight in the eye. You admire her courage.   
He raises an eyebrow and shakes his head. You translate for him. “He’s got a girlfriend.”   
This doesn’t seem to bother the girl. She turns her gaze on you, slightly less interested. “How about you?”   
You shrug and grin at her, scrawling your mobile number on a napkin. You hand it to her and she saunters off, winking.   
You turn to see Kurloz staring at you, his eyebrow raised and mouth gaping open. That was his ‘you’re an idiot’ look. “What?” you ask.   
He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. Why did you do that?   
You don’t really see what you did wrong. Well, I don’t have a girlfriend. What, do you want me to lie to a stranger?  
Kurloz gives you a blank stare. You do realise she wanted to fuck you, right? I do not think she would be interested in that when she finds out you like cock.  
This doesn’t strike you as an incredibly startling revelation. “Oh.” Sometimes you just kind of…do things like that without thinking them through. Seriously, a lot of the times when you and Kurloz went out together, people would recognise Kurloz from when he painted on sidewalks. Guys who dressed for Halloween every day tended to attract a lot of attention.   
So how is Meulin, anyway? Meulin, Nepeta’s cousin, was one crazy, cat-obsessed girl. She was a riot. She and Kurloz had been in relationship for years, and the only time you’ve seen him smile was when he was with her.   
You’re going to need to be a bit more specific. Did he always have to be this way?  
Ok, so is she good, bad, got a new cat?   
The corners of Kurloz’s mouth turn up a little. Surely it must be a grimace. God forbid your cousin actually smiles at you.   
She is good. She likes her job very much. Meulin was a hairdresser, which was kind of surprising considering the lion’s mane of her own hair. But she did like chatting to people and getting into their personal businesses.   
She’s got a tattoo on her neck. It’s a cat face. She also tried to dye my hair bright purple. You have to laugh at this. That would definitely attract a lot of attention. Also, the tattoo thing seemed pretty bad assed.   
Kurloz regards you seriously for a while. So what about you? Have you asked out that Nitram kid yet?   
You’re taken aback at this remark, but Kurloz isn’t known for his subtlety. You take a while to answer, trying to remember the rights signs. I don’t know what you mean. Tav and I are just friends. You’re shit at lying, and Kurloz knows better than anyone.   
He raises an eyebrow and stares at you blankly. Who are you trying to fool, Gamzee? You might as well just go for it. He’s single now, and everyone can tell you’re fawning over him.   
You really wish your mute cousin would just shut up. This isn’t a conversation you’re prepared for. It’s just…what do you even say to something like that? And you were going to see Tavros tomorrow. That was probably going to make it awkward.   
Kurloz, I can’t just ask him out. Besides, he had a girlfriend. I’m pretty sure that makes him straight.   
Kurloz kind of smirks and his shoulders jerk in what might be something like a laugh? Shows what you know. He signs.  
You breathe heavily out of your nose. He’s still looking at you expectantly. You sigh, vocally, and do it again much louder. Kurloz winces and flips you off neatly. Will you please stop acting like an idiot? You can see his shouts in the urgency of his finger motions. You smile. You’ve managed to aggravate him back.   
Fine, fine. I’ll…I’ll ask him to go with me to Feferi’s thing. But, you know, all innuendo and stuff. You could have gone without this conversation, but it was all out in the open now, and Kurloz wasn’t going to very well leave you alone. It was kind of weird, though; he’d never really liked Tavros all that much. To quote him, your best bro was an ‘imbecile’. But, in his own weird way, he was just trying to make sure you were happy.   
Your proposal seems to pacify him enough, though, and he relents. You sit for a minute in, well, silence, as you sip your drinks. Finally Kurloz looks up at the clock on the wall. I should get going soon. I need to make sure Meulin is ok.   
You grin. You kids have fun, then!   
Kurloz rolls his eyes, though not bitterly. Is the Vantas kid picking you up? I heard Graham took your car. You slump in defeat. It really sucked that your dad never really had anything to do with you growing up, but still called all the shots in your life.   
However, you don’t pursue the topic of family. Yeah, Karkat’s probably getting worried. He thinks you’re going to stab me or something.   
I wouldn’t count that out quite yet, kid. 

 

“I’m only going to fucking ask you thin one more time: are you sure you didn’t have any alcohol?” The fridge is mostly empty, except for a huge carton of Faygo. You reach for the first one you see; grape flavour. Your favourite.   
You wave the plastic bottle in Karkat’s face. “Nah, I only had one of these mother fuckers. It’s cool.” You thought you were doing pretty well with the whole ‘no booze’ thing.   
Karkat twists up his face and sticks out his tongue. “You know that stuff is disgusting, right? It fucking kills brain cells. Why can’t you be normal and drink fucking coca cola or some shit?” Your roommate’s rant is interrupted by the home phone. You have a feeling you know who it might be.   
Karkat looks at you, but you don’t move so he rushes to the phone. “Hello? Uh, yeah, he lives here. No, look, I don’t know what the fuck was going through his head tonight, but….no, he’s not into girls! No, fuck,….I’m his fucking roommate, ok? Just…yeah, just don’t call here anymore. No I’m not…I’m not fucking affiliated with ‘the skeleton guy’!” you can hear the inverted commas in his words.   
He thrusts the phone down angrily and turns to glare at you viciously. Your mouth stretched into some kind of awkward smirk and you break eye contact. Wait…you can hear him growling.   
“Why the fuck do you always do this? Honestly, what do you think of when you take random girl’s numbers? Do you like leading them on? I don’t know why, but for some unholy reason, girl seem to fall head-over-fucking-heels for you, though I can’t see why. And then I have to put up with their shit when they find out you were just fucking with them and-” While he was shouting incoherent things at you, you’ve walked over to him and placed your hand on his head, mucking up his hair. He sighs and stops talking, though he hasn’t stopped glaring at you.   
“Hey, I’m sorry, bro. Won’t happen again.” This was how it usually worked with you two. You’d do something stupid, he’d get angry for your sake, you’d apologise and he’d forgive you. You looked out for each other, and you knew as well as anything that he’d walk through walls to keep you safe.   
Karkat reaches up and takes your hand off of his head, crossing his arms back over his chest. “So do I still have to drive you to that shitty Mexican place tomorrow?”   
You smile and slump down on a leather chair. “Yeah, if that’s all cool with you, motherfucker?” you take a sip of the Faygo. It doesn’t actually taste spectacular or anything, but there’s something in it that makes you stop craving alcohol.   
“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine. Same rules apply. No booze, no drugs, and no phone numbers. Geez, why can’t you use your fucking mobile instead of the home phone? Goddammit.” You press your thumb on the plastic of the bottle, enjoying the loud, popping sounds it makes when you release.   
“It’s cool, I got this, bro. You just relax and do whatever the mother fuck it is you need to do.” How do they get all those tiny bubbles in the drink? Some things just don’t make sense to you. “Uh, so, Karkat? Do you…do you think I should all up and ask Tavros to the party thing?”   
Your roommate rolls his eyes and sighs heavily. “Took you long enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expect some GamTav related stuff in the next chapter!


	6. Perceptions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of Gamtav, backstory and darkness in this chapter! Sollux is up next!

You’d woken up early this morning. Well, early for you. Not for Karkat. Karkat liked to be organised and have everything ready, two hours before he needed to do anything. You, on the other hand, liked to sleep away as much of the day as possible. You don’t see the point in waking up earlier than necessary. But you were thinking last night (kind of uncharacteristic for you) about a lot of…things. Things you’d kind of avoided thinking about. They’d kept you awake and were the first thoughts to enter your mind when you woke.   
“Are you going to eat those or just stare at the colours?” Karkat grouches, bringing you back to reality. You notice how you’ve been stirring your Fruit Loops absentmindedly, the colours running into the milk. You don’t really feel hungry anymore. “Uh…I kind of think we should leave motherfucking soon, shouldn’t we?” you’re pretty sure butterflies are eating your stomach. Or…what was the expression? Anyway, your stomach felt all weird and fluttery.  
Karkat rolls his eyes patiently. “Yeah, I guess. You’ve got your wallet and phone and everything?”   
You glance over at the counter. Your assorted…stuff…was sitting there. “Yup.” You look around the apartment for a while, hesitating. Karkat can sense that you’re hiding something, and waits for you to ball up and ask. “Hey…Karkat? What if he hates me now?” you say, voicing the question that’s been on your mind all night.   
Your roommate notices your desperate expression and sighs, eyes softening. “Gamzee, what kind of a question is that? I know you two haven’t seen each other in a fuck load of time, but…seriously, what the fuck do you think you did to make him hate you?”   
You narrow your eyes in what you hope is a sarcastic expression. “Well, I did just all up and go to mother fucking jail for beating up three people, Karkat. Not the best mother fucking thing I could’ve done.” You weren’t going to let yourself forget about that for a long time. Definitely one of your worst moments.   
Karkat buries his forehead in his hand in frustration. “Look, Tavros knows what happened. Fuck, I mean…he knows what your deal is…” in this context, ‘your deal’ meant drugs. “He’s not going to hate you all of a sudden for something you weren’t in complete control of. Fuck, you’re stressing yourself out too much. Just…just get in the damn car so we can leave.”   
With a sigh, you stand up and shuffle your way to the door, following Karkat’s lead as he tried to find the car keys on his over-packed key-chain. Sometimes it still startles you how short he is. He’s so commanding, and he’s basically helped you re-shape your life ever since high school. He’s also got a temper to rival those weird angry crabs at the beach near your dad’s house. Yet all that personality was trapped in such a tiny little frame.   
You tap his head with the tip of your index finger. “What if Equius’s doctor stuff did weird things to his brain? What if his legs explode?” you knew you were annoying him now, but you were curious. You couldn’t exactly help that.   
Karkat turns to you with a disbelieving expression on his face that makes you snicker. “Are you fucking serious, Gamzee? It’s not…he hasn’t got fucking robot legs or anything. God, I don’t know, it’s probably plastic or something. Look, I can see why you’re worrying, but you really, really, don’t need to. You two have been the closest fucking friends ever for…however many years. Remember all that fucking Pokémon shit you used to do?” You smile sheepishly as you take note of the Pokewalker clipped onto your belt. “You’re still the same spazzy goofball, and he’s still the same stuttery dork. Nothing’s changed.”   
You can’t help it; you bend down and hug your tiny roommate. You don’t know whether it’s because his words helped you, or just because he looked so mother fucking cute. He hugs you back, shoving your hair out of his face. “Thanks, bro.” 

 

But you and Karkat both know not everything was always that simple between you and Tavros. The trouble really started when he started dating that bitch Vriska Serket. You’d met her in high school, and even though you never really spoke, you really disliked her.   
You were actually really intimidated by her; she always said just what she thought, and it usually wasn’t very nice. She was also really manipulative. You had no idea why Tavros was into her, but you knew she always insulted him when they played paintball together. They were on opposite teams, and she always went out of her way to lower his self-esteem. Forget about going easy on the paraplegic; she was on a mission to make him feel like shit and also ruin the game for everyone.   
When they’d started dating, you knew she was just doing it out of pity. She always groaned over having to push around Tavros’s chair for him, and she always complained about how ‘weak’ he was. But it finally twigged with you just how badly the relationship was going when Tavros showed up at your hangout spot, his arms covered in bruises.   
“Tav? What the mother fuck happened?” you were in doubt; you didn’t want to believe it. But when he’d avoided your gaze, you knew.  
“N-nothing happened.” He’d croaked out, his fingers tapped against his chair.   
With disgust, you’d taken in the dark purple splotches on his skin, a sickening feeling in your stomach. “Doesn’t look like motherfucking nothing.” There it was; the first trickles of rage had settled. That bitch was past redemption.   
Tavros had clenched his jaw and his fists, signs that he was getting frustrated with the conversation. “It was an accident, Gamzee. It was just…uh…I really don’t want to talk about this.” The last part came out rushed. He was unusually touchy that day. It had made you even more upset that he had lied to you, his supposed best friend.   
You had pressed your hand to the side of your head. You’d taken a deep breath and tried to calm yourself down. You’d really felt the urge to hit someone. “Ok, seriously, Tavbro, why are you trying to mother fucking hide this? Don’t lie to me, bro, I just…If that bitch is mother fucking hurting you, you gotta tell me! I can’t other fucking deal with you being in pain and me not doing a mother fucking thing!” his face had stuck with you for a long time. You’d really upset him, something you never wanted to do.   
His bottom lip had quivered and he still hadn’t met your eyes. “Gamzee…I, uh…It’s not really, uh, that big a deal. Please, just…just don’t do anything…stupid, or anything. I don’t, uh…” his eyes had started filling with tears, and your heart melted.   
You’d gotten down on your knees and wrapped your arms around his shoulder in a somewhat awkward but familiar hug, being careful not to touch the bruises. “I’m really sorry, Tavbro. You know I never mean to hurt you.”  
Tavros had returned the hug, patting your back. He’d buried his head in your chest and you felt tears wetting your shirt. “I’m sorry, Gamzee,” he’d whispered, his voice muffled so much you could barely hear him. Even now, you still weren’t sure exactly what he’d meant. But as you knelt there, wrapped in each other’s arms, you want to keep him safe. You really just want to keep anyone from hurting him ever. 

 

Your whole confrontation with Vriska came at a really bad time for you. Actually, it was the fact that it was a bad time that caused the whole thing. A while before that, you’d stopped taking drugs. Or, tried to at least. You’d went out one night and lied to Karkat. They’d given you some ice at the club, and you’d taken it without thinking. Then you took some more, until you couldn’t feel the ground underneath your feet.   
Then you crashed, hard.   
Karkat found you, passed out on the steps of the apartment. He’d fixed you up, but the pain didn’t stop then. Over the next few days, you suffered from serious withdrawal symptoms. You’d felt shaky and just wanted to break down and cry all the time. You’d also felt inexplicably angry at everything. Unfortunately, you’d run into Vriska in one of your flashes of rage.   
You remembered how you’d taken off on Karkat one day, ignoring the heavy flow of calls and urgent texts he’d been sending you. You didn’t know where you were headed; possibly for more ice. But you’d turned a sudden corner, and literally run into Vriska.   
She didn’t look too good either; her blond hair was streaming out behind her like a raincloud, and her blue eyes were full of frustration.   
But your anger was much, much worse than hers.   
In a frenzied motion, you reached out, grabbed her arm and pushed her against the wall, watching her fear turn into fury and her glasses slide down her nose. “Gamzee, what the fuck are you doing?!” she’d shrieked, clawing at your hands. You just dug your nails harder into her forearm.   
“Did you give him those bruises?” you’d fought to keep your voice calm, but you didn’t waste too much effort on that.   
Vriska had squirmed, eyes searching for a way out. “What bruises? What are you talking about?”   
Pulling her arm, you drew her face close to yours and let your anger out. “Did you give him those other fucking bruises, you fucking cowardly bitch?” god, what was she? What were you? It had been so long since you’d allowed yourself to be consumed by your rage.   
Her breathing was heavy, her frantic eyes welling with tears she wouldn’t allow to fall. “I…I was just trying to…” she didn’t finish, and that pissed you off.   
“I can’t hear you.”   
She got angry too, then. “What business is it of yours, anyway? He fucking asked for it, ok? It was…Ugh, you don’t have any right to criticise me, you fucking stoner!”  
You’d slapped her then, hard. She let her tears fall down her pale cheeks. “You leave him the mother fuck alone, you got that?” you let your voice grow quiet. Sometimes that was worse than when you shouted.   
You’d released Vriska’s arm, and she’d fallen to the ground without resisting. Pathetic. She whimpered and nodded, scowling to hide her fear.   
“Did you mother fucking hear me?” You’d started shouting again.   
She raised her head defiantly, a red patch welling up on her cheek. “Yes…yes, I get it! Just…just go away, please.”   
You’d given her a look of utter disdain. She was what you hated about the world at that moment in time. “Get out of my sight. If you so much as mother fucking touch him again, I will break you.” Then you’d walked away from her, letting what was left of your anger walk you home before you crashed again. 

 

When you did make it home, Karkat found you with a frightened expression on his face. He wasn’t scared of you; he was scared for you. He’d hugged you while your body shook, wrapped you in a towel and given you a hot chocolate, all without asking any questions. You hadn’t said anything either.   
“Gamzee?” his voice was quiet when he finally did speak. You’d looked up, and saw a concerned face that made you want to cry. You were a fucking monster, and you didn’t deserve to have anyone care about you. These were the kind of mood swings you went through during one of your ‘lows’.   
“Gamzee, I fucking need you back. Don’t you leave me, ok, Gamzee? Don’t you fucking dare.”   
You’d really broken down then, and he let himself be your support until it was over. 

 

Now you waited in your favourite Mexican restaurant, tearing up a paper napkin absentmindedly. You knew you were a bit early, but you’d insisted that Karkat leave you there. He’d reluctantly complied, but said he’d be hanging around town if you needed him.   
You’re early, and Tavros always turns up a little late, not that you mind. You’re used to it, though. You know how hard it is to wheel yourself around places; Tavros had let you try his wheelchair once.   
Your head shoot up as you hear the sliding doors open, but you’re disappointed when you don’t hear the familiar rolling and clicking. Wait a mother fucking second…. You’d forgotten that he no longer needed a wheelchair.   
You stand up quickly and rush over to greet him, the biggest smile lighting up your face. He’s coming towards you, two, and he’s standing. You open up your arms to him, and…and he kind of stumbles and falls into them.   
His face is laying awkwardly against your chest as you grab his forearms and straighten him up, unable to hide the gleeful expression on your face. He looks the same, but completely different, too. Same round-ish face, same fluffy chestnut Mohawk, so much like his cousin and father’s, same dark, Mediterranean skin and semi-toned arms. But his large, round hazel eyes are shining with a confidence he’s never had before, and he’s actually standing on his own two feet. Well, not his own feet per se, but still.   
The legs look right, though, and when he gets more practice, they’ll seem almost natural. They look the right height for the rest of his body. You can’t actually see them because Tavros is wearing pants, but you really want to. You’re sure Equius has done a great job. Now Tavros is up to your collar bone, which is actually quite a bit taller than you expected.   
You can’t help it; you throw your arms around him again, and he gratefully does the same for you. Your height kind of made it awkward, but you were used to towering over everyone and it wasn’t bothering either of you so it shouldn’t bother anyone else and you didn’t really care that people were staring.   
“Aw, man, Tavbro, it’s so great to see you, it’s…you look great! Who knew you were tall, right?” now you’re just muttering stuff into his hair and you don’t know if he heard all of it.   
“Not really, uh, that tall, compared to you, Gamzee.” You both pull away at the same time, and you’re both grinning. The way the speaks, the way the pitch of his voice stops and starts, sounds so familiar and so welcome. You’ve missed being in his company so much that it hurt.   
With a grunt, he kind of wobbles a bit, his bottom lip sticking out in frustration. You gesture towards the table you were previously occupying. “You wanna sit down, bro?” he nods gratefully and follows you there.   
“These…these things are still, uh…taking a bit of getting used to.” He says sheepishly, getting comfortable on the seat.   
You prop your elbow on the table and lean towards him, curious. “So…how are you mother fucking going with that shit? Can’t imagine it’s the easiest thing in the world.” You really wish you’d been there to help him, but…well, you were kind of in jail.   
Tavros’s eyes light up. That’s a good sign. At least it wasn’t a total nightmare for him. “Well, uh, it was hard, at first. But I had, uh, Nepeta, and Terezi, and Aradia. Oh, yeah, and Equius, too. They all helped me.”   
Well, that made sense. Nepeta and him were always pretty close, and they did work together. Aradia was really nice. She’d gone to an all-girls school, so you didn’t know her in high school. But she was Tavros’s teammate for paintball, and you were always grateful for her whenever you saw her wheeling him around patiently. Of course Equius had helped, it was probably written somewhere in the job description. But you knew that even though it wasn’t obvious, the guy had a heart of gold.   
Your relationship with Terezi, however, was pretty complicated. You’d gone to high school with her, and you’d always been the slightest bit jealous of how much attention Karkat paid to her. The both of you always passed snarky remarks at each other; you pointing out the fact of her blindness, and she picking on your lower-than-average intelligence. “Heh. Bet Terezi wasn’t much help on that front.” You couldn’t help it. It had become an instinct by the end of the first year of high school to vaguely insult her every time her name was mentioned.   
Tavros looked down. He didn’t approve of you making fun of her, but he smiled so you knew he wasn’t really offended. “Uh…y-yeah. But she did try to cheer me up.”   
Before you can forget, you unclip your Pokewalker from your belt and mess around with some buttons. “I’m really liking this new game, Tav, but my strongest pokémon is this mother fucking Slowpoke.” You shrug. “I mean, it’s cute and all, but it kind of just sits there being all pink and shit.”  
Tavros immediately leans across the table and peers at your device. “No, no, Slowpokes are really good! If you train it up enough, it’ll learn some really cool moves! Then, maybe it’ll evolve. I can, uh, trade you something, if you want…” you love the way his eyes light up when he talks about dorky stuff like that. It’s one of the things he’s really passionate about, and if he’s happy, well, you’re happy too.  
You smile at him, grateful to have someone who actually wants to spend time doing pointless things with you. “Sure, Tav, that’d be great.”   
You talk about random, inane things like that for a while, before the hard stuff finally comes out. “So, uh, Gamzee? Nepeta told me you, uh, spent a few days in jail?” you brave a look into his eyes and wish you hadn’t. He looks extremely worried for you, like he hopes with the very core of his being that it’s not true. Oh, god, how you wish it wasn’t true.  
You shift your body and eyes to the side, smirking. “Yeah, uh…it was just a couple days.” You really, really didn’t want to talk about this. You want to just go back to that free-spirited talk where you didn’t have to disappoint anyone. But when two people were as close as you were, it was kind of inevitable.  
“Nepeta also said it was because you’d taken drugs again.” Mother fuck.  
The expression on his face was still one of concern, but his words cut like knives. Whatever else you did with your life from this point on, you didn’t want to ever make him think less of you. You knew he’d never say you were worse than him, but you couldn’t bear thinking that you’d let him down.   
“No, Tav, I….aw, shit, man, it was an accident! I-I didn’t mean…” Tavros’ hand reaches across the table and wraps in fingers around yours. You meet his eyes, and know you’re forgiven.   
“It’s ok, Gamzee. We don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to. But…but you’ve gotta promise me you won’t do it again, ok? I…I really don’t, uh, want you to hurt again,” you feel like you’re going to cry. He’s not judging you. He’s not ever going to think you’re not worth it. He’s genuinely worried about your well-being. He doesn’t want you to get hurt.   
“I promise, Tav,” this time you mean it. You’ve promised Karkat, and Rose, and Kurloz…even your dad. That’s way too many promises to break. Even if Tavros won’t hate you for it, you don’t want to ever be any less of a person in his eyes.   
You’re lucky the table is quite narrow, because when Tavros stretches across it to wrap his arms around your neck, you can return the hug without laying on top of it.   
“You really should call your dad, though,”

 

“So, uh, hi dad. Looks like you’re not here, as usual. But, look, I all up and just got outta jail, so I thought I’d motherfucking call you. So…I guess I should say thanks for the bail? Karkat’s mother fucking sick of having to pay for me all the time and shit, so it was real nice of you to do that. But you still have my mother fucking car, and Karkat can’t drive me everywhere anymore, alright? If it’s still in one motherfucking piece, could I all up and get it back?”  
Beeeeeep.


	7. Reconsiderations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Man, I haven't written this for a while, but I'm feeling more motivated now! p.s, I really love writing Sollux! but I'm kind of nervous about writing Mituna into it....

You reach a hand up to your temple and attempt to rub away your headaches. You don’t have anything left for it. You suppose you could always step away from the computer, but that’s not exactly something you want to do.   
You’ve been trying to program this game for ages, but inspiration is steering well clear of you lately. You can’t figure out why; hiding yourself away from all your friends and family usually helped you think. Speaking of friends and family, the phone rings, interrupting whatever the fuck it is you’re doing.   
“I hope you know you’re interrupting an extremely sick programming job.” You snap into the phone, not caring who’s on the other end. They can go fuck themselves.   
“Sollux, for the love of fuck, we both know that’s going to be the worst game in the history of horrible games.” Fucking hell, it’s Karkat.   
You stand up, pinning the phone to your ear with your shoulder while you try to find something to eat. “What do you want, KK? I’m sorta busy.” You find yourself hating the sound of your voice. You’ve had this stupid lisp since you started talking, and since your dad never bothered with a voice therapist (he had the stupid thing too) it looked like it was staying that way.   
“That’s a lie, and you know it. The extent of your personal fucking activities right now is slathering toast in that disgusting honey you insist on eating.” That’s exactly what you’re doing right now.   
“What the fuck do you know?” you snap, your voice rising in agitation. Fuck.  
You hear Karkat turn the phone to yell something unintelligible at Gamzee. You kind of find it funny that they’re still roommates, after all the shit Gamzee put him through in high school. But then, being in the next year, you hadn’t really seen Gamzee much back then.   
“Look Sollux, you seriously need to get out of the fucking house.”   
You do not have the patience for this today. “What are you talking about? I do get out of the house. I see people.” You’re running out of honey. You’ve only got two jars left.   
Karkat laughs dryly into the phone. “Yeah, going to work to glare at people behind a fucking counter doesn’t count. And exactly what people do you see, anyway, besides Terezi, who can’t see you back?”   
You groan. He’s not going to let this go, is he? “You tell TZ that I’m fine. I’m just…going through hibernation or something. Not a bit deal.”   
“You’re not a fucking bear, Sollux. What I really wanted to ask was if you were going to Feferi’s party or not.”   
Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.   
“Uh….you know what? I’m kind of busy that night. It’s a real shame, I know, but what are you going to go?” Lies. Fuck, you’re a coward.   
“I’m serious. Just go to the fucking thing, stop being such a sad-sack. Feferi’s going to cry herself dry if you don’t go.” You are a horrible excuse for a human being. You know that, yet you continue to make excuses.   
“I know, but…Aradia’s going to be there.” you mutter weakly.   
More frustrated groans from Karkat’s end. It seems like your complaints and his irritated sound effects are the only things keeping your friendship going. You remember when you were the one helping Karkat through some girl drama. How easy it was back in high school when you didn’t even have to try to succeed at anything.   
“Sollux. Shut the fuck up. This has been going on long enough. She’s probably over that by now. I mean, yeah, you did run her over, but-”  
“I didn’t run her over, ok? I just…I just hit her with my car!” you snap, and feel kind of guilty. Karkat’s only trying to help, no matter how offensive he’s being.   
Karkat doesn’t speak for a while. He’s probably checking himself to make sure he doesn’t tick you off again. Fuck you. “I won’t force you into anything. But, fuck, Sollux….we’re worried about you! If you don’t come to the party…well, fine, I guess. But I’m going to come to you if you won’t come to us.” He hangs up, and you’re left with a lot of bad feelings. Well, a lot more than usual.   
Your mind flashes back to those memories you’ve tried to avoid. Meeting Aradia on the bus that day. The shy Asian girl with crazy-long hair and dark, swishy clothes who hated public transport. You remember going to your favourite café and bumping into her again, inviting her to your table. Late you’d started hanging out more, learning that she went to high school with Kanaya. Then, you’d started going out officially. Despite all of your bragging, you’d never really gotten past second base with many girls before, but you were ok to take it slow with Aradia. It had seemed like you’d had all the time in the world.   
Then you’d met Feferi.   
It was at Aradia’s shop, where she sold the little ceramic things she made herself. The two were roommates; they went to the same high school, and had stayed close friends. As soon as you saw her, you felt an instant attraction to her. It was strange; your dad worked for her mom (Betty Crocker herself!) yet the two of you had never met. She was tiny in stature, but her presence was large. She had rich, dark skin and piles of tumbling cocoa-brown hair. Behind her magenta glasses, her eyes were dark brown and warm. She always wore bright clothes, and her contagious energy was complementary to Aradia’s polite mystery and gothic fashion sense.   
The three of you had spent a long time together, along with Feferi’s friend Eridan (a complete tool you didn’t want to spend too much time thinking about). That was, until the accident.   
Aradia had liked to play paintball with a couple of her friends; Terezi, Tavros Nitram and Vriska Serket. Aradia and Tavros were on a team together. You hadn’t met the kid too many times, but he was Aradia’s neighbour, and a paraplegic, too. He was like a little brother to her, or something.   
Apparently Vriska had been being a bitch to Tavros (even though they were in a relationship??) and Aradia was getting pissed off at her. So they’d had a meeting to discuss it.   
You were driving at the time, on the way to pick Aradia up from Vriska and Terezi’s house. You didn’t know what had happened, but…It was dark, and you had a killer headache, and then your phone beeped…  
It was a message. From Vriska. You know you shouldn’t have looked at it, you should have focused, but, fuck, your brain really wasn’t working that day.  
Hey, four-eyes. Your girlfriend’s getting agit8ted. Might want to pick her up soon ::::D   
You swear, you had only looked at it for, like, two seconds, and then-   
Riiiiiiiing!   
Fuuuck. You really didn’t need this again.   
You check the caller ID. Oh.   
It’s your dad. You haven’t spoken to him in a while.   
“Hello?”  
“Sollux. Hi. How have you been?” Wow. How have you been, exactly? You’re not sure you’re being anything at the moment.   
“Yeah. Good. Fine. Perfect.” You say, flawlessly.   
“That’s…good.” You and your dad both had a bit of trouble knowing what to say to each other. It was yet another thing you had in common.   
“Listen, Sollux, Mituna’s in town for a few days, and I told him he could stay at your place.”   
Oh, god. Why was everyone trying to traumatise you tonight? “Really? Why here? Can’t he stay at Kurloz’s place, or something? I don’t have room for him here.”  
“So, what, is someone else using your guest room?” You don’t even have to answer that. Arguing with your dad is like arguing with yourself; you know what he’s going to say, and you can’t win.   
“It’s just for one night, ok? And he’ll be with Latula for most of the day. You just have to feed him and make sure he doesn’t get lost.” Feed him. That’s right; people need food. Even Captors, who had notoriously small appetites.   
“Yeah, I…I guess I can do that. Does he have any, uh…any medicine or anything that I need to know about?” You hated asking these kinds of questions about your own cousin, but you’d kind of been separated after his…accident. You weren’t sure what happened; all you know is that Kurloz was there, and he’s not likely to spill the beans. It wasn’t like Mituna was a different person, but…it was really hard, getting used to the fact that he didn’t function normally anymore.   
“He knows what he needs. Latula will keep him in line.”  
“Ok. Great.”  
“See you soon.”

 

When you sleep, those memories come to you. The ones you’ve been trying to keep hidden in a dark corner of your mind.   
She’s drifting in and out of sleep when you visit. It’s the day after the accident, and she’s only just woken up. Her hair, usually free and voluminous, is tied back neatly, tucked underneath her neck. Her coffee-coloured skin is unusually pale, and in some places, covered in dark bruises. There are shadows under her almond-shaped eyes, and she’s dressed in a stiff white hospital gown.   
Feferi had told you she wasn’t living there anymore. After she got discharged from the hospital, she wanted to move in with her cousin Damara. You didn’t know why she wanted to do that; Damara could speak English (brokenly), but she was Japanese like her mother. Apparently, she used to be nice, but she only spoke Japanese now, and Aradia was usually too disgusted to translate.   
You’re not sure why she’d choose Damara over Feferi. Maybe she didn’t feel strong enough to go back to the Peixes mansion. But you weren’t looking forward to seeing her crazy cousin every time you wanted to visit.   
In your memories, her eyelids flicker open, and you try to smile. The corners of her mouth twitch up a little bit, but her eyes are too tired to reveal anything.   
“Aradia? AA? You awake?” you whisper, calling her by your special pet name for her. She swallows and nods vaguely.   
“I brought you these.” Before you came to the hospital, you made sure to stop at the florists. You’d purchased a bouquet of honeydews, her favourite flowers.   
She actually did smile that time. “Thank you,” she said, though it didn’t sound like her. Her voice was too quiet and wispy, and absolutely exhausted.   
You brushed a stray lock of hair away from her face, like you used to. “AA..I-I’m really sorry. I never meant-”  
“Shh,” she managed a soft smile again. “I’m tired, Sollux. We’ll talk later. I want to sleep.”   
You bit your lip. You had sort of planned for that visit to last longer. “Should I leave, or…”  
She shook her head. “No. Stay. I want you here.”   
Before you can reply, she’d already closed her eyes. You definitely didn’t want to leave, so instead you’d sat on the bed next to her, playing with her hair. You had started thinking about all the things you’d wanted to say, the things she needed to forgive before you could move on.   
You never remembered how long you’d stayed there, but eventually, tears had started to fall onto the white sheets. You hadn’t wanted to let her go, never wanted to say goodbye, but at one point a nurse had come in and made you leave.   
Afterwards, you’d wanted to come back, to see her again, but somehow you’d never found the courage. It was your fault she was in there. She hadn’t denied it. No one had. You were a coward and a weak shit, and you couldn’t fix your own mistakes.


	8. Evasions

After that horrible night, you don’t know why you bothered coming into work today. Sure, you were supposed to meet Mituna and Latula there, but whatever. They could find their own way.   
But…you guess you’d already dragged your ass out of bed, so it’d be a waste to not go. Plus you really didn’t need your dad being disappointed in you. You couldn’t handle that.   
You get to the store first, for which you’re kind of glad. It gives you a few minutes to set up and gather your thoughts. It doesn’t take long for Nepeta’s car to roll up.   
The two girls stroll in, hand in hand, Terezi waving her cane around gleefully. “Hi, Pawllux!” Nepeta said, giving you a wave.   
You raise an eyebrow. “Pawllux? Seriously, Nep?” you say with an amused smirk.   
The girl pouts. “It’s a cat pun! Like, um…Fefurry, or Ampurra!”   
Terezi elbows her. Her bony joints looked sharp, but Nepeta didn’t seem to mind. “Or…Karkitty?” she teased with a wild grin, making Nepeta blush.  
“Shh!” she hissed grouchily, and you laugh.   
“Yeah, well, we’ve got a rule here, Nep. No puns, ok?”   
She stuck out her tongue. “Fine. Hey, um, are you going to Feferi’s party? It’ll be fun!” she says, already knowing you’ll try to resist. You don’t want to go through this, so you won’t make a big deal about it.   
“Nah…I’ve got plans that night. I’m a busy guy.”  
This doesn’t satisfy her at all. She puts her fists on her tiny waist and glares at you like an angry kitten. “That’s not fair! Fef will be really, really upset! You are going out, right? And you have to be there! Who am I going to dance with?”   
You shrug. “You’ll just dance with Zahhak, right? And besides, KK still owes you a dance. Just ask him.”   
Nepeta blushes further. “W-what? How does he owe me a dance?”   
Terezi cackles, poking Nepeta’s foot with her cane. “I remember that! You asked him to the prom, and he said no.”   
“He said he was busy that night! I’m not going to hold it against him!” Nepeta protested, her little hands balled into fists.   
Terezi turns her head to the wall, probably assuming it’s you. “But Nepeta’s right; we both can’t dance with Karkles all night. And if I can’t dance with you, I’ll have to take on Tavros. You wouldn’t make a blind girl and a paraplegic be dance partners, would you?”   
You snort. “That’d be the most ridiculous thing ever. But I’m still not going.”  
Nepeta gives you her shock/upset face. “You have to come! I can’t see any reason you wouldn’t want to, unless….” Her eyes light up. “Is this about Aradia?” Oh hell no.  
“God, fuck…I don’t know. She’s probably not coming either, maybe.” You didn’t want to admit that you had no clue about her health, or if she had been discharged from hospital yet.   
Nepeta’s fingers fly to the dark blue tie Equius gave her. “I think you should talk to her. You never know; maybe she wants to get back together with you! Oh, but…that means you’ll have to choose between her and Feferi!”   
That was it. You didn’t want to deal with this shit. “This isn’t one of your romance novels, Nepeta. Seriously, how dumb do you have to be to think she’ll want me back? And…god, do you really take some kind of sick enjoyment out of my inner turmoil? This is real life, and it’s not exciting. It’s bullshit!”   
Oh, crap. You went too far with that one. Nepeta opens her mouth, then closes it, eyes watering up. With a muffled sob, she turns around and runs out of shop. You just made one of your closest friends cry. Congratulations, you have reached a new low. “I really fucked up that one, didn’t I?”  
Terezi raises an eyebrow and taps her cane. “You sure did. Listen, Sollux, Nepeta wanted to meet you at that café after work. If I were you, I’d take that chance to apologise to her.” With that, she walks off into the storeroom, leaving you with your shitty emotions.   
You’ve almost finished setting up the shop and- holy shit on a stick. In come your cousin and his girlfriend. Just what you need.   
“Hey, Sollux! What’s up?” Latula says, holding up her hand for a high-five. You don’t leave her hanging; she would follow you around for as long as she needed to until you gave her one.   
“Hey, Tules. I’m alright, I guess. How are you guys going?”   
Latula’s wearing a teal t-shirt over a red long sleeved top. Looking at either Pyrope for any amount of time was kind of dizzying. You found it strange that Latula wore those nauseating colours as well, even though she wasn’t blind and therefore could make reasonable fashion choices. But then again, you weren’t really one to talk.   
“Meh, we’re just cruising around. They opened this new game store in town, have you been there?! It is so rad!” she says with a grin, and you smirk. Her obsession with finding ‘rad’ things both confused and amused you.   
“I need something to eat!” Mituna demands, looking bored with the conversation. He’s looking through a stack of CD’s, muddling up the order. You’d tell him to stop, but you figure you’ve already filled your douchebag quota for today.   
You notice he’s wearing an oversized bike helmet. It’s yellow with a black stripe, and is decorated with bee stickers. You don’t know if it’s adorable or kind of scary. You flick it with your fingernail. “Nice helmet, MT.”  
He smiles at you. “Tulip got it for me. It has stickers!”   
Latula laughs. “It sure does, babe! Hey, can you go find Terezi for me? Need to talk to her about some junk.”   
You watch him as he stumbles into the storeroom. He looks like a fucking ten year old.   
Latula’s obviously sent him away so the two of you can talk about him. “Are you sure you’re ok with having him over? I know that it’s short notice and all, and it’s probably hard on you…”   
You shake your head. “It’s fine, really. I haven’t talked to him in a while, so…” you shrug.   
She smiles warmly. “Great. I’ve got all his pills and stuff in my bag. I’ll give it to you when we head over. He gets really bad headaches, but I heard you do, too?”  
You nod, and then lean closer to her, speaking quietly. “So…why is he wearing that helmet? Are you guys still skating?”  
Latula grins, and it’s back to careless rad-girl again. “Yeah, we’ve been doing heaps of awesome tricks! The skate parks here are rad to the max!”   
You try to stop yourself from rolling your eyes. “Yeah, but what’s with the helmet? Is he falling down a lot, or something?” god dammit, you’re trying to be responsible here! You wish you could talk to reasonable person for once, but wait, you don’t know any.   
Latula frowns and tilts her head. “Well, yeah, but he’s still getting the hang of it after…you know. He’s just a bit uncoordinated, that’s all.”   
You really do roll your eyes now, and groan in disbelief. “Of course he’s uncoordinated! And falling down isn’t going to help his self-esteem at all!” apparently you have not finished being a douchebag for today.   
Luckily, Latula doesn’t seem too offended. “I take him skating because he enjoys it. It’s something we both like to do, and he’s getting better again. He’s kind of…It feels like he’s getting closer to who he used to be.” 

 

“These channels are all shit!”   
He’s not even bothering to watch anything; he’s flicking the remote the second the channel changes. How the fuck does he know if it’s any good or not?  
You swirl around on your swivel chair, focusing your eyes away from the computer. “I know. I can’t afford anything good. We can go down to the video store and rent a movie or something.”  
Mituna considers this for a while. “I don’t want to walk anywhere. I just want to play my DS.”  
Thank god for portable electronic games. You really didn’t want to have to go there and see Karkat. He’ll rant at you like a disgruntled parrot for hours. You’ve had enough human contact for today, and-oh. That’s right; you’d made a promise to Terezi.   
“Hey, MT?”  
He doesn’t look up from the console he magically made appear. “What do you want?” he says, agitated.   
“I need to go out for a while. I’m not gonna be too long. If you get hungry, you know where the food is, right?”  
“I will eat your laptop.” Ok then?  
You roll your eyes. You’re crazy to leave him here by himself. Who knows what’s going to happen to your room? Oh, well. You figure it’s time to start making amends. 

 

The café still looks the same as it always did. You should’ve brought a jacket or something; it’s freezing.   
You see Nepeta straight away; she’s sitting at the table in the back, but she isn’t alone. When you see the other two with her, the effect is jarring. It’s Equius, of course, why wouldn’t he be there? But with him is Aradia. With him. As in, they were eating off the same plate. Fuck. This whole thing was a trap to get you to talk to Aradia.   
Nepeta sees you and starts to smile, but it fades when she notices your shocked expression. You feel strangely distanced from everything as she whispers something to Equius, who grunts. Then Aradia turns to you, and you’re brought back to reality with a slap.   
The look she gives you is so cold and empty that you can almost feel the ice in her stare drilling holes in you. She says something to Nepeta, who nods warily, still watching you. You stand frozen like stone statue as she walks over to you. She doesn’t smile or anything.   
“Sollux.” She says, coldly. It takes a while for you to remember that you have to say something, too. She still looks the same…to an extent. Her colour’s come back. Her face still looks the same, even if it was currently emotionless. But…her clothes were different. They weren’t the second-hand flowing skirts you were used to. Her outfit was sleek, and expensive-looking, too. God dammit, Zahhak probably brought the clothes for her.   
“Wow, uh…Hi. I…I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” Fuck. You can’t speak, you can’t move…why were you here again?  
“No…I guess you weren’t. You weren’t planning on seeing me at all, were you?” Her voice is just so….lifeless, mechanic. Like she’d been programmed to say those words, or something. It wasn’t her. This wasn’t the girl you knew.   
“What are you talking about? Of course I want to see you…” do you? You were doing a great job of showing it.   
She frowns, and the first hints of emotion –anger- flash in her eyes. “Then why did you only visit me once? How come you didn’t check up on me?”   
This throws you off balance, but you should have seen it coming. “I…I was going to, but…” she’s waiting. “I was scared, ok? I didn’t know if you’d be able to forgive me. I was…fuck, I guess I was punishing myself? I…god, what did you think? That I didn’t care about you anymore?!”   
She looks up at you. Oh. That’s exactly what she thought. “Maybe I would have been able to forgive you, but you didn’t give me that chance.” Why was she acting like this? You wish she’d yell at you, or hit you, or something. You wanted her to lash out. You wanted to know that she enough feelings left for you to be angry.   
With a regretful stab of rage and jealousy, you look back at Zahhak. “You don’t seem to care that much. You’ve obviously moved on.” You snap, clenching your fists. You feel betrayed and hurt. She wasn’t just your girlfriend; she was your best friend, too. You did everything together. Seeing how easily she replaced you stung.   
But obviously she was hurting, too. She drew back with a shocked gasp, gripping her collar. “I have a right to see other people! Don’t act like you haven’t done the same thing!” There, she’s yelling at you now, but you don’t feel happy. You feel angry, confused, and upset.   
“What?! What are you talking about?!”   
She glares at you with a look that could kill. “You know who I’m talking about. You and Feferi.” She looks away. “We’re both seeing other people now. I’m still going to her party. We should just move on and forget.” Forget what? Everything they’ve ever been through? Yeah, you didn’t think that was going to happen. And…how did she find out about Feferi? Was it Nepeta?   
“It’s not like that with us…” you start, but you’re not sure how to finish. There’s not really anything you can say now. She’s made up her mind.   
She sighs. “I feel horrible, Sollux. I’m sorry. Maybe…maybe one day we can be friends again, but for now, I…you have to understand how I feel.” As she walks back to her table, you storm out of the café and try to keep the tears from falling. 

 

“Nepeta? It’s me, Sollux.”   
“Oh, god, Sollux! I am so, so sorry!” the poor girl sounds heartbroken. Well, so do you.   
“I should be the one apologising. No, wait, that’s what I’m doing. I’m apologising. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. It wasn’t exactly your fault.”   
“No, no, I know. You were upset. I just- ugh, I should have told you! I’m such an idiot.”   
“Well, it would’ve been nice to know about them, but I kind of didn’t give you the chance to tell me. I was kind of being a douche.”   
She laughs softly. “Heh. I just want you to know… Equius has been helping her out at the hospital, and I take care of her, too. It just sort of…happened? Equius has kind of had a crush on her for ages, and…well, you probably don’t care about that. But I really think you should talk to her! She’s upset now, but she really misses you.”  
You sigh. “Yeah, but it doesn’t look like she wants to talk to me. Whatever…if she and Zahhak are happy with each other, then…fuck, it still disturbs the crap out of me, but there’s not much I can do about it.” You kind of conscious of talking shit about her best friend/adoptive brother, but the guy had always given you the creeps, and now you had another excuse to hate him.   
Nepeta hesitated. “Actually, the thing is…I don’t think they are happy. At least, Aradia’s not. It makes me sad to think about but…she doesn’t actually love him. She’s just…I think she’s just venting, or something. Or maybe just trying to do something.”   
You frown. “So….you’re saying she might be going out with Zahhak just to get back at me for dating FF?” the thought made you agitated, but slightly satisfied.   
“I’m not saying that! Well…not exactly, anyway. But I think it’s really gonna hurt Equius when he finds out she doesn’t care about him! I think if you talked to her about it, she might stop before she does something everyone regrets.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> H4LP! How do I write Mituna???? I don't think I gave him enough sceentime to decide whether I'm good at it or not XD 
> 
> (Also...Aradia seems a bit nasty in this chapter, but consider it her robot phase!)


	9. Mediations

You’d finally gotten some spare minutes to yourself after your shop closed, so you took the opportunity to read one of Rose’s novels. They were very good. You’d have to call her and ask her to bring some more around. Yes, that would be a good excuse to initiate contact-  
“Kanaya, you in there?” And…there it goes. Your personal time is officially over.   
“You know how to open a door by yourself, don’t you, Karkat?”   
Your friend is quite grumpy, as usual. There are shadows under his eyes again and he looks in no mood for having his measurements taken. “Can we just get this over with?” he grumbles.   
You smirk. “What’s the problem this time?”  
He looks down. “There’s no problem. Nothing you have to worry about, anyway. You know how it is; people needing you help them out, even if they don’t realise it.” Yes, you definitely knew about that.   
“How’s Sollux?” You’d tried calling him several times, but he hadn’t picked up. You worried about him, but you know Karkat worried more.   
“Ugh, he’s terrible. He’s a mess. Even more than usual.” He bit his lip. “He saw Aradia. They, uh…they argued. It was pretty bad.”   
“Well, that explains his withdrawal.”   
Karkat raises an eyebrow. “I guess. Don’t you try talking to him, though; he’s really pissed off at everyone right now. He’ll probably be horrible to you, and then I’d have to kick his ass.”  
You chuckle. You doubt he’d be able to do that. “Alright, I’ll leave you to deal with him. You do know him better than I do.” You plan on calling Aradia later, though. You’re more equipped to handle her.   
You go and fetch your measuring tape. “You know, you really have grown quite a bit lately.”   
He grunts. “Whatever. At least I’m still taller than Terezi.”   
You laugh. “Only barely!” you always found it adorable how those two were nearly the exact height. They’ve known each other since high school, and they were almost perfect for each other. If only they could see that…  
“Oh, fuck! I just remembered what day it is today.” Karkat exclaimed. You’re hoping he doesn’t mean what you think he does.   
“Why, yes, it is Saturday. Thank goodness you remembered. I would have been at a complete loss.” No, he’s not falling for it. By this point, you should have known he can see right through you.   
“Have you gone to the cemetery yet?” he asks, in a voice much quieter than usual.   
You look back at your desk, at the framed photo of a five year old boy with his smiling parents. “Grandma and I went yesterday.” You mutter.   
Karkat frowns at you. “Really? Well, why didn’t you tell me and dad? We would’ve come.” He blinks. “Or…maybe you just wanted it to be the two of you? That’s fine too, I guess, but…you don’t have to go through this alone, you know?”   
It used to be that you’d visit their graves together, both Maryams and Vantases every year. But everyone had been so busy, and your grandmother wasn’t getting much free time lately. Besides, Karkat and his father had never even met them.   
It happened when you were eight. You were at school, but your brother, Joseph, was sick. It was his first year at school, and your parents felt sorry for him, so they’d driven him up to the zoo. You were a little jealous at first, as any eight-year-old would be, but you’d erased the thought from your mind as the day went on.   
When you got home from school, your grandmother was there to greet you instead of your parents and brother.   
They never made it home from the zoo. They didn’t see the truck coming around the corner. None of them survived. You’d lived with your maternal grandmother until you finished school. Your cousin Porrim visited often.   
It wasn’t long after that when Karkat and his father moved in, too. Your grandma had taken care of Christopher when she worked at the orphanage. He was like a son to her, so you and Karkat had grown up together. Having them as family wasn’t that big a change. You’d taken little Karkat under your wing, like you were trying to replace your real brother.   
“Kanaya?”  
You look up, snapped out of your flashback. “Mmm?”  
He gives you a searching, sceptical look. “Are…are you ok?”   
“I’m fine.” You say, curtly. “Arm, please.” He holds out his arm and you measure it. Hmm, he has grown. “Oh…you might want to leave soon. I’m having Eridan and Vriska over.”   
His eyes widen. “Both of them? Here? At the same time?” You nod. “Wow…you’re really something, Kanaya.”  
You smile dryly. “Yes, and they don’t even know the other is coming.” Fun times.   
“God, you really have it hard. It must suck to be everyone’s rock all the fucking time, right?”   
You shrug. It is, but you can’t say you don’t enjoy caring for others. “But…you know what it’s like, too, don’t you? Everyone’s always coming to you with their problems, poor Karkat.”   
He rolls his eyes agitatedly. “Yeah, it’s horrible. I…guess I’ll get going, then. Don’t want to interrupt the get-together from hell.”   
As he begins to walk out the door, Eridan walks in. “Oh…hey, Kar.”   
Karkat looks up. “Hey, man.”   
“W-wait, Kar. Am I gonna see you at Fef’s party? You nev-ver called me back.” The taller boy complains, pushing his thick glasses further up his nose.   
“Don’t worry, geez. I’ll be there. You know, I see you pretty much every second day anyway. Bye.”   
Eridan waves and sits down in his usual chair. He still looks the same as usual; striped scarf, expensive clothes, dyed hair….nothing’s changed since you were kids. Well, except for the hair, but he’s had that for a while, too. He still has pasty skin and freckles, which is comforting. “So hey, Kan. What’s goin’ on?” Oh, yes, and the accent, too. His father’s Irish, so there’s no surprise there. But it still just sounds really funny to you.  
“Are you asking me? Because it seems that you were the one who called me, asking to talk. Assuming I’ll be doing any talking at all.” You give him a wry smile and he frowns.   
“I was just tryin’ to make conversation over here! Do you always have to be so condescending?”   
Unfortunately you don’t have time to answer before your door chimes again. “Hey, Fussy Fangs, what’s up?”   
Vriska envelopes you in a familiar hug, still a vision of blue and blond. “What’s this loser doing here?” she says, jerking her thumb in Eridan’s direction.   
Eridan puffs up. “I should be askin’ the same question! I was here first!”   
Vriska grabs onto your arm. “Yeah? Well, Kanaya actually invited me here. I don’t come charging in here every time I need someone to hold my hand.” She says with a wicked grin.   
“Actually I invited both of you here. It will hopefully take up less time so that I can actually do something constructive. Now are you two going to behave?” you say sharply, eyeing them sternly. Eridan looks remorseful at least, but Vriska doesn’t even blink.   
“Your roots are showing, jerk.” She quips, and immediately Eridan’s hand flies to his head.   
“Fuck you, Vris! I just got that done!” if you look closely, you can see the rebellious orange hairs under the black dye.   
You glare at Vriska, and she shrugs. “Sorry, I had to get that out of my system. I really gotta piss!” she says, and runs off to the bathroom. Your own, personal bathroom. Oh dear.   
Eridan sighs, looking deflated. “Why did I ever hook up with her?” he moans.   
You smirk. “The way you told it, she was drunk, and you were desperate.” This earns you a half-hearted glare. “You’re the one who asked. So you’re working together again?”   
He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, if you can call it workin’. Apparently losin’ an arm hasn’t changed anythin’ in regards to her attitude.”   
You raise an eyebrow. You were surprised at how quickly she’d returned to work after her operation. “I really need the money. ‘Sides, Zahhak didn’t do too bad a job. I feel good as new!” that’s what she’d told you. Far be it from Vriska to show any weakness, or regard to her health in any way. You remember the countless times you’d had to argue with her over getting a Band-Aid when you were young.   
“I’m back!” she sings, strutting into the room and running her fingers over some of your dresses.   
“Let me see the arm,” you say, and she holds it out for you. It’s mostly hidden under the sleeve of her blue jacket, but you can still feel it. It looks just like an actual arm of flesh and blood from a distance, but now that you’re touching it, you can feel the strange stiffness. “Hmm…Equius did a great job. That must have been pretty pricey. Did you remember to thank him?”   
She rolls her eyes, huffing. “Of course I did! Well…maybe not in those exact words, but he knows me! And it didn’t exactly cost a lot. He kind of…did it for free.” She shrugged. “He said it was a favour to a friend, so,”   
“Well. That certainly was kind of him.”   
She shrugs again. “He knows how things are. You know, with my mom and all. We’ve been through a lot of shit together, you know the deal.”   
“Hey Kan, can I make a coffee?” Eridan asks, already grabbing a mug.   
“I don’t see why not. Vriska, do you want anything to drink?” You’d already prepared a pot of tea earlier, and some cookies. You are an excellent host.   
“Meh, I’m good. I’ll just take a few of these…” she grabs a cookie in each hand and stuffs one into her mouth.   
“Alright, Eridan…would you like to go first?”   
The steam from the coffee machine has fogged up his glasses. He cleans them with his scarf. “Sure, just as along as she doesn’t say anythin’.” He says, glaring at Vriska.   
“Well, I’m not sure I can keep that promise, but…” she grins.   
“Anyway.” Eridan says firmly. “It’s about Fef.”   
Vriska cackles. “Oh my god, are you still hung up about that?! Hahahaha, this is unbelievable!” You fix her with an icy glare. Patience, Kanaya. You’re dealing with mere children here.   
“Go on,” You prompt Eridan, waving your hand.   
With a sigh, he continues. “I just don’t know what to do. She’s with Captor now, but I still feel the same for her as I always have. And now I can’t just tell her, ‘cuz she’s already datin’ that jerk. Not to mention it’d ruin pretty much everythin’ that we’ve been through together.” Oh, if only you had a dollar for every time you’d heard that speech…  
“What’s the harm? You’ve been very close ever since you were little. I doubt she’s going to stop being your friend if you admit your feelings for her.” He really should take your advice. You’ve experienced it; you did that exact thing. And you and Vriska are still as close as ever.   
“I can’t do that! Can’t you see it’s hopeless, Kan? She’s got a boyfriend, one that can probably make her happier than I can.” He looks so distraught. But really, you’ve talked about this before.   
“I don’t see what the big deal is! You practically live at her house anyway! Just touch her boob or something and you’ll get together!” Vriska offers, looking quite pleased with herself.   
“Is that how you get so many fuckin’ boyfriends? They touch your boob?”   
You put a hand to your forehead. “Vriska, please….can you keep your thoughts to yourself? And Eridan, for the love of God, don’t encourage her!”   
Vriska pouts. “Pfft, fine. But his moaning will be a lot more interesting with my commentary!”   
“I have no doubt that it will, but this is serious. Eridan, don’t you think it’s time you stopped moping after Feferi? Like you said, she already has a boyfriend. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.” You ignore the cackle from Vriska.   
“Yeah, but…” he sighs. “I don’t know, Kan. No one else will wanna date me, so what’s the point of even tryin’?”   
“So, what? Is that it? Are you just going to give up? Surely there’s someone out there for you. You never know unless you try, am I right?” Despite all his flaws (and there were a great many of them) he wasn’t completely detestable. True, he behaved like a child most of the time, but he is very determined and intelligent. Besides, you’d always believed there was someone for everyone.   
“Mmm, maybe. Guess that’ll have to do for now.” He mumbled, then went back to drinking his coffee.   
“Ok, so, can I talk now? Is it my turn?” Vriska says, bouncing up and down in her seat like an excited puppy.   
You nod. There’s not much else you can say to help Eridan now. It’s not like you can break up Sollux and Feferi. They’re both your close friends, and you’d never do anything like that, anyway.   
“Yay, great. Excellent. So, um, this is about John.” Vriska said quickly, rushing her words together and glancing at Eridan.   
“Fuckin’ fantastic.” He muttered.   
“Oh my god! Kanaya, that’s not fair! I had to be quite while he was whining! Tell him to shut up!” she snapped, pointing her finger at Eridan.   
“Fine. It’s not like I wanna hear about your new boyfriend anyway.” He grumbles, and takes out his phone. It’s new. He practically had a different phone every time you see him.   
“Oh, don’t get jealous! You know it was only a fling! Besides, you can’t hold me down!” Vriska said, but Eridan ignored her. “Ok, so…” she took a deep breath. “John and I are pretty close now. But, like…we haven’t even done anything more than hold hands and kiss and shit. It just…it kind of feels weird to be taking it slow, but is also feels right? I don’t want to pressure him, and I don’t really feel like doing anything else than what we’ve already been doing? I’m not really used to going steady with guys, you know?”   
You raise an eyebrow. Well, this was interesting. “This might not be a bad thing for you, Vriska. It’s probably a good sign that John could be the right person for you.” You didn’t really want to say too much about the ‘right person’, since you hadn’t met him yet. “It sounds like you might be getting into a committed relationship.” You say, with a bit of mocking in your tone.   
Vriska gasps dramatically, bringing her hands to her cheeks. “Oh, no, do you think so??” she laughs. “No, but seriously, you’re right. I think….John and I could last.” She smiling, a soft, sweet smile you haven’t seen on her before, and- dear god, was she blushing? “He’s just…really trustworthy. I can tell him all this shit and he doesn’t judge me. I can actually be honest with him. I don’t have to pretend to be confident all the time.”   
This jars you. “So…you can’t be honest with me?” you say, though it’s barely more than a whisper. What was she saying? That she couldn’t even let her guard down around you? Even after all the time you’ve spent helping her through all the bad things in her life?  
“What?” she says, looking concerned.   
No, you are not here to be jealous. You’re here to give advice. “Oh, nothing. So, what exactly is the problem here? It seems like you’re happy in this relationship.”  
Vriska sighs and looks down, picking at the edge of your table. “Being honest is what I’m scared of. What if…what if he finds out something really bad about me, and leaves? I really don’t think I could handle that.” She says, her voice very quiet.   
Her insecurity brings you back to the task at hand. Regardless of your own feelings, she needs you. She’s your best friend, and she needs you to tell her she is loved. “He’s stuck around this long, hasn’t he? I doubt he’s going to take off if he hears something he doesn’t like. Isn’t that what love’s about? Accepting everything about the person; good and bad, past and present?”   
Vriska smiles warily, then jumps up and hugs you. “Thanks, Maryam. You’re the best.”   
You smirk. “Well, I try.” You slowly peel her off, then snap your fingers, drawing Eridan’s attention. “Now, I’m going to have to ask you both to leave. I have an important night and I need plenty of time to prepare for it.”   
Eridan stands up to leave with a wry smile. “Is it a date? Kar told me you had a girlfriend.”   
“What?! Who is she?! Why didn’t I know about this?!” Vriska shrieks as you push her out the door.   
You can feel your face redden. “No, no more questions! I’m busy!” you say hurriedly.   
You are, in fact, going to Rose’s house tonight, but you wouldn’t call it a date. Karkat would, but you definitely wouldn’t. It was just a meeting between friends. Yes, that’s what it was. Now, what were you going to wear?  
The phone rings, right on cue. Just when you were about to get some peace and quiet around here.   
You check the caller I.D. Oh. “Hello, Porrim,” you sing.   
Your cousin chuckles. “Hey, honey. How are you, sweetheart?”   
“I’m fine, thank you. And how are you?”   
“Don’t lie to me, Naya. You know I can tell when you’re lying.” You sigh. Yes, she’s always been annoyingly receptive to your emotions.   
“I’m…dealing with it.” You say, making your way to the clothes racks. Hmm…no, that one won’t do.  
“So where were you today? Mom and I came, so did Kankri. But we didn’t hear anything from you.” Your chest constricts with guilt as she speaks.   
“We went yesterday. Grandma was busy today, and so was I.”   
“And you didn’t tell us? Honey, are you sure you’re alright? I know there’s something on your mind.”   
You swallow and talk a while to form your words. “It’s really nothing. I’ve just been getting too invested in my friend’s emotions, as usual.” And there it is- your sarcasm is showing. It’s your disgusting coping mechanism.   
Porrim sighs. “Honey, there’s nothing wrong with that. But you’ve got to take care of yourself too, you know. You don’t have to hide away and pretend nothing’s wrong. You can talk to me, you know that!” she’s right. You should have said something. Porrim has always been a constant force in your life, a mother figure you can always depend on. Maybe you have been too secluded as of late.   
“I’ll do that. I’ll come over, and we can talk. But I’ve got something on tonight, so…”  
“So you want me to get out of your hair. That’s fine, I understand. Take care of yourself, baby girl, and have fun!” she finishes with a teasing tone, like she knows exactly what you’re doing tonight. Not that you’re actually doing anything like that at all…  
Oh, who are you kidding? You’re going on a date with Rose Lalonde.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy wow I love Kanaya.   
> (and I am a horrible person for giving them all such horrible pasts, it's interesting, isn't it?)


	10. Compassions

“Seriously, Kanaya? I was there like…two fucking ours ago! If you needed help you could have asked me then!” Karkat’s voice screeches in your phone and into your ear.   
“I know, I know, I’m just….I wasn’t sure that I did need your help at that exact moment, but then you left and now I’m standing here fairly confused as to what I should do now and-”  
“Ok, ok, I get it. Just calm down, take a breath, whatever. What do you need help with?”   
You do as he says and breathe deeply. “I don’t know what to wear.”   
You can almost hear his face-palm. “You’re asking me for fashion advice? Are you feeling alright?”   
Oh, ha ha. “Yes, I’m feeling quite fine except for the rather large colony of butterflies that has taken up permanent residence in my stomach.” You breathe again. No use getting snappy with him. “I was thinking of wearing the red dress, but do you think it’s a little too forward?”   
Karkat sighs deeply. “God, I don’t know…you look great in the red dress. Who cares if it’s formal, just wear the fucking thing and have fun! Though I’m at a complete fucking loss as to how you’d have fun with Lalonde.”   
“Karkat, I don’t think you understand the seriousness of the situation. Rose is a very classy lady and if I don’t measure up to her standards she might think less of me. So finding the right outfit is critical.” You’re rambling again. You’re rushing your words, slamming together sentences that should be separated by punctuation marks.   
“Kanaya, listen to me. You’re a wonderful, amazing person, and if Rose thinks differently because of what fucking dress you’re wearing, then she’s obviously not worth it!”   
You sigh. “Alright…I’ll give it a try. Thanks, Karkat.”   
“You’re welcome. Don’t worry so much, ok? And for the love of god, at least try to have fun.”   
You hang up, once again appreciating the wonder that is Karkat. He has always been a source of advice and comfort to you, even when you were young. You suppose you were lucky to have your closest friends thrust upon you when you were a child or by your family; you don’t know how you ever would have had a social with your adopted little brother.   
You do end up wearing the red dress, though you bring a black cardigan since it is raining. The address Rose gave you leads you to a very large house that could be considered a mansion. You use the very fancy-looking door knocker and it makes a satisfying sound on the wood, but the door doesn’t open. You knock again and call out her name, but there’s no reply and you don’t hear any noises from inside.   
You take a deep breath. You’re sure Rose just hasn’t heard you. She definitely has a good excuse. But you don’t particularly want to stand out in the cold like this, no matter how much shelter her porch supplies. You try to make out a picture through the stained-glass window next to the door, but you can’t see any signs of life. You may just be being paranoid, but you can feel worry rise up in your chest. Summoning a small amount of courage from somewhere deep inside you, you open up the door and step inside, being careful to wipe your feet.   
“Rose?” you say from just inside the doorway. Only a few seconds later, she stumbles into your view, wearing an expensive dress, one high-heeled shoe and a bottle of wine in her hand.   
“Oh….hey, Ka-Kana….Kanaya…” she grins at you, seeming to have trouble pronouncing your name. “I wasn’t….expecting you..?”   
You stare at her in shock for a moment, feeling your face grow hot. She’s drunk, unashamedly drunk and tipsy. “You forgot about our date.” You say before you can stop yourself.   
Rose’s glazed eyes widen. “N-no…No, I didn’t. I jus...I just thought you’d come later…”   
“So you decided to inebriate yourself while you passed the time waiting for me? You thought I wouldn’t notice that you’re extremely drunk and unstable and hazy?” you bite out your words quickly. You’re not even sure her mind can process them, but you really don’t want to deal with this now. “Rose, I’m appalled! Here I am, thinking you’re this high-class, professional, admirable person who I look up to and cannot believe asked me to her house, only to find that you don’t care about any of that? That you don’t care about me?”   
Rose takes a long time to say anything, long enough for you to hate yourself a little more. Why should she care about you? You’re just the flustered dress-maker she happened to have coffee with once. She’d never have real feelings for you, and you were a fool for thinking she would.   
“Are you breaking up with me?”   
The question hits something in your heart, and when you meet her eyes your heart breaks in two. She really does care about you; you can see it in her face. Immediately, your maternal instincts kick in and you hug her gently before you can think about things too much (break up? That only applies to people in a relationship, doesn’t it?). “No…no, of course not. I was just…” you try to find a word that won’t upset her more. “Surprised,”  
You hear her sniffle and then feel the tears on your shoulder. “I…I’m really am sorry. I just…I was…I was thinkin’ about- about my mom, and how much I miss her, and I…well, I got distracted.” She hiccups and you pull her away from you, holding her hand.   
You find you can’t stay mad at her. There’s something endearing about this fragile, vulnerable state she’s in as opposed to the cool, calculating demeanour she usually wears. Besides, you’re not entirely sure what happened to her mother, but you can definitely sympathise with missing your maternal figure. “Can I make a suggestion for the rest of the night?”   
She wipes her eyes and nods.   
“I’m going to take you to your room and pick out an outfit more comfortable, then I’m going to make us both some coffee, before we talk about your mother and anything else you’d like to talk about.”  
Rose sniffles a bit and smiles up at you. “Y-yeah, sounds good.”  
She leads you to her room, and you wrap an arm around her waist on the way. You’re not sure if she actually needs your support to walk straight or not, but it felt comfortable.   
You sit her down on her bed and open up her wardrobe. Unsurprisingly, you find several expensive suits and dresses. There are also some more casual items of clothing that looked more comfortable for everyday wear. You root around until you find the plainest t-shirt, sweater and pair of jeans you can see and place the pile on Rose’s lap.   
“Put these on, and I’ll go make us some coffee, alright?” you say gently, trying to not sound too much like your grandmother. Rose nods and smiles at you gratefully.   
As you bustle around the kitchen, you try to organise your thoughts. You feel like you’ve seen a different side of Rose, one she usually keeps to herself. You saw her fragile and open, and you desperately wanted to take care of her.   
But you can’t be tied up in that again. You don’t want to simply be a mother figure anymore. You fuss and nag and pry into other people’s businesses, and then they can’t ever see you as anything else but a meddler.   
The coffees have been sitting on the bench for a few minutes when Rose reappears. She takes the seat at the coffee table opposite you and places her chin in her hands. “So…um, you want me to talk about my mom?” she asks, seeming shy all of a sudden.   
You take a sip of coffee, slowly, before answering. “Only if you want to.” You only half-wish she’ll open up to you; you know that if she talks, you’ll have to as well.   
She takes a sip, too, tapping her fingers softly on the table top. Her fingers move deliberately but absent-mindedly, like she’s remembering a song she learnt on the piano a long time ago. “Yeah, I think…maybe it would help to talk about it.” She says quietly. She takes a few breaths before continuing. “My mom…died, a while ago. And I feel like…like I’m losing myself?” she pauses, and you nod, encouraging her to go on.   
“I don’t know, I guess…I lost contact with my sister, and my cousin, too, I guess. My friends kept in touch, but…I kind of kept pushing them away. Maybe it was to keep myself safe? I don’t really know. I think that I handle grief better alone. Or…at least, I thought I did. Now I’m not so sure.” She speaks slowly, and she doesn’t sound quite so intoxicated now, but very reflective.   
“You know…I was never really sure why I kept those bottles around. I think it might be…a curse, on the women of the Lalonde family, maybe. We resort to alcohol in times of desperation.” She gives a bitter laugh. “I’d always resented my mother’s drinking problems. And now I’m doing the exact same thing. You must think I’m pathetic.”   
Your heart does that ridiculous twinge again and you reach across the table to pat her hand. “Not at all. It’s perfectly acceptable to mourn a loss like that, as long as you don’t forget what’s important.” You give her a reassuring smile and try to ignore the amount of sappy sentimentality coming out of your mouth. “I lost my mother, too,” you lower your voice, almost to a whisper. “My father and younger brother die in the crash, as well. I was very young, but it was certainly the worst day of my life.” You go on before Rose’s concerned eyes make you choke up. “My grandmother raised me after that. And not long afterwards, Karkat and his father moved in with us.”  
Rose raises an eyebrow. “Well…that explains why you and Karkat are so close. You’re adoptive siblings.”  
You smile. “Yes, I guess we are. I think you’ll find it interesting that my grandmother adopted Karkat’s father and his brother, as well.”   
She taps her chin, looking amused. “That is interesting. But…I am sorry. Losing all your family as a child…that must have been terrible.”  
You shrug. “It was, but life went on for me. Living with the Vantas men was…interesting.” You say with a bit of chuckle. You have plenty of fond memories of your somewhat unorthodox family.   
Rose snickers. “Living with the Vantas men…that sounds like a very bad sit-com.”   
“Hmm. It does, too.” While you finish your coffees, the two of chat away. You watch her phase back into the Rose you met on your last date, but you feel like you’ve gained a piece of her along the way, another way to look at her. It also helped you to talk about your past with someone completely unrelated to it. When the time comes for you to leave, Rose takes your hand as you walk to the door.   
“Thank you for everything tonight. It’s really amazing how managed to put up with me for an entire evening.” You detect a hint of sarcasm in that sentence and smirk.   
“I’m just happy you wanted to be in my company.” You pause for a second, frowning. “I hope that came across as a sincere statement.”   
Rose laughs, and you’re glad to have made her smile. She looks hesitant for a moment, then leans in towards you. She kisses you softly and quickly on the lips, then draws back, looking embarrassed. “I hope we get a chance to do this again sometime.” She says quickly.   
You smile warmly at her. “I do, too.” You reply, and you mean it. “But maybe next time, we can try to both be sober at the start of the evening?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RoseMary is entirely my OTP, so I hope I did it justice!


	11. Chapter 11

Hey, everyone. I'm really sorry I haven't updated this in forever, and I'm sad to sad that I won't be. The story just isn't going where I want it to, and it's a lot different to my current headcanons. If you'd like to hear more, you can send me a request here, or at my tumblr, kataramaryam. I still love humanstuck a lot and have heaps of ideas, so don't worry about that! I've just moved on from Paper Lanterns.


End file.
